


All My Secrets Away

by Destiel_5eva



Series: Growing Domesticity [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Drunk Sex, Fluff, Hormonal!Castiel, Jock Dean, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mpreg, Nerd Castiel, Pregnant Castiel, Teenage Pregnancy, Underage Drinking, Virgin Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-03 05:14:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2839328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiel_5eva/pseuds/Destiel_5eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is an eighteen-year-old high school student, the captain of both the baseball and swim team. He’s charismatic with both staff and students, he’s popular, he’s friendly, and he’s known and loved by all. So really, how much of a stretch is it to assume that he’s having sex?<br/>Castiel Novak on the other hand, could be considered the polar opposite. He’s the head of the debate team; he spends more time in the company of books than his friends. Well, friend. Balthazar can really be the only one who can be counted as a friend. But by no means is Castiel antisocial. He’s friendly and he interacts with the other students. He’s notorious for being the go-to guy for panic-stricken students after last minute notes. More than once, Castiel has provided the days notes to one Dean Winchester. But sex? No. Not sweet innocent Castiel who lives alone with his Priest older brother. Surely not.<br/>Just like any other teenager, Castiel has crushes. It’s kind of hard not to have a little crush on Dean Winchester.<br/>For both boys, a Halloween party is the beginning of something neither of them are ready for. It’s hard, but life is hard you’ve just got to pick yourself up and move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bee Costumes and Hand Lotion

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to be clear that this isn't an A/B/O fic. Just imagine that men can carry kids too. Please don't think to much into it, I sure as hell didn't.
> 
> There's also nsfw content in this chapter (hence the whole mpreg thing).

_I believe in possibility_  
_I believe someone's watching over me_  
_And finally I have found a way to be_  
_Happy, happy_

Prologue:

It’s a pretty wild thing when men can suddenly get pregnant. Just all of a sudden, boys were being born with the ability to carry children and that was that. Scientists were stumped, tests were carried out and no reasons were found. Male babies were just being born with both sets of internal sex organs and the anus, when needed, doubled as a birth canal. It’s all kind of gross for a high school student having to suffer through the new curriculum.

But as usual, life goes on and humanity adapted. Now almost two hundred years later it’s just another aspect of life that’s over looked. But just because men can suddenly give birth doesn’t mean that all men want to give birth. That choice is respected, just like if a woman decides she doesn’t want children. It’s not all that much of a big deal.

But with everything, there are people who still have a somewhat negative mentality towards the whole ‘mpreg’ thing. It’s to be expected. John Winchester is one such person who thinks that his boys, Dean and Sam, should not under any circumstances get pregnant. No Winchester will ever be pregnant and that’s how it is. Although, when preaching about male pregnancy never did he say anything about being the cause for one. Imagine his surprise at finding out that one of his sons have gone and done just that. Not on purpose, but then again, with the addition of men, the number of accidental pregnancies has obviously risen.

Dean Winchester is an eighteen-year-old high school student, the captain of both the baseball and swim team. He’s charismatic with both staff and students, he’s popular, he’s friendly, and he’s known and loved by all. So really, how much of a stretch is it to assume that he’s having sex?

Castiel Novak on the other hand, could be considered the polar opposite. He’s the head of the debate team; he spends more time in the company of books than his friends. Well, friend. Balthazar can really be the only one who can be counted as a friend. But by no means is Castiel antisocial. He’s friendly and he interacts with the other students. He’s notorious for being the go-to guy for panic-stricken students after last minute notes. More than once, Castiel has provided the days notes to one Dean Winchester. But sex? No. Not sweet innocent Castiel who lives alone with his Priest older brother. Surely not.

But just like any other teenager, Castiel has crushes. But then again, the majority of the school has the same crush as he. It’s kind of hard not to have a little crush on Dean Winchester. This crush is much to the dismay of Balthazar who wouldn’t bat an eyelash if for some reason Dean Winchester magically died. Balthazar kind of hates Dean Winchester, OK more than kind of. He really, really, really hates Dean Winchester. Castiel thinks that his hatred is due to the fact that Balthazar is not the captain of the swim team and Dean Winchester is.

For both boys, a Halloween party is the beginning of something neither of them are ready for. But as the humans that they are, they deal. It’s hard, but life is hard you’ve just got to pick yourself up and move on.

 

Chapter One: Bee Costumes and Hand Lotion

  
Halloween. October 31, the night the veil between the living and the dead is the thinnest. The night kids rustle up a costume and go trick or treating. The night teenagers rustle up costumes such as ‘slutty nurse’ or ‘slutty maid’ and attend parties with a seemingly never-ending supply of liquor. Well, most teenagers, not Castiel. For Cas, Halloween is just another night that he’ll spend by himself in his room with a book. He doesn’t mind, parties aren’t his thing. The loud thumping music and the drunken shenanigans just doesn’t appeal to him.

“Cas, come on. It’s Halloween!” Charlie protests, throwing her hands up. A few other members of the debate team look up and give Charlie a glare or a confused look. Really they shouldn’t be all that surprised that she’s ranting or arguing.

“Considering this is a debate team, I would have thought that your persuasion skills would be better,” Cas states absently, flicking through the topics of choice.

“They are good! You’re just a stubborn ass,” Charlie grumbles, crossing her arms and pouting like a petulant child. Cas shakes his head with a smirk. “Does Balthazar ever get his way?” Charlie questions.

“Not usually,” Cas answers happily and Charlie glowers.

“Alright, people gimme a show of hands if you think that Cas here should get off his sorry ass and come to the party tonight,” Charlie demands, eyes scanning the six others in the room. Had Charlie not been giving them her signature ‘if you don’t do what I want I might kill you’ look, Cas is sure that less people would have raised their hand. But, six hands shoot into the air and Cas rolls his eyes.

“Traitors,” Cas tells them glumly.

“There. Majority rules. Please Cas, you’ll have fun! I promise, and I hear that Dean will be there,” Charlie says with a not so discreet elbow to Cas’ ribs. Cas knows he’s blushing. He can feel the heat radiating from tips of his ears.

“Charlie!” he hisses. She cackles manically. With a sigh, Cas pushes the sheets of loose leaf away; he knows he isn’t going to get out of this. When Charlie sets her mind to something, she pushes and pushes until she gets it. “When is it?” he asks quietly. Charlie lights up, she gives a triumphant whoop and hugs Castiel.

“Friday, starts at 8. Don’t be late! See what I did there?” Charlie giggles at her own rhyme. Cas just shakes his head and gets on with his speech.

***

Balthazar is delighted to know that Castiel had been forced into going to the party. He insists that because today is Wednesday, he must find a costume. After school he drags Castiel to the local costume store and they get to work. “What about this?” Balthazar asks, holding up a pair of cat ears and a tail. Cas narrows his eyes and Balthazar chuckles to himself as he sets the items down. Cas winds his way over to Balthazar, tucking his hands into the pockets of his worn jeans.

“I don’t see why I have to even dress up,” Cas says moodily. Balthazar rolls his eyes and continues sliding coat hanger after coat hanger in search of the perfect costume.

“Because, darling, It’s Halloween and that means costumes and candy. Don’t you know anything?” Balthazar says lightly. Now it’s Cas’ turn to roll his eyes. He leaves Balthazar to his searching and parks himself on one of the chairs meant for people trying on shoes. He rests his chin on his fists. “Hey Cassy?” Balthazar calls after a moment. Cas looks up at his friend, an eyebrow raised. “Do you still have that unnatural obsession with bees?”

“It’s not unnatural, bees are very beneficial for the environment. If there were no bees, the pollination rate of flowers would drop and that would impact on the…” Cas is cut off when Balthazar throws something black and cone-shaped at him. “What is this?”

“A stinger. You’re going to be a bee. Striped yellow shirt, black jeans, that stinger and these,” Balthazar holds up a yellow headband with two springy antennae. Cas sighs in defeat for the second time that day.

“What are you going as?” Cas asks after they purchased the necessary parts for Castiel’s costume.

“An angel,” Balthazar says with a wry grin.

“Seriously?!” Cas exclaims, gripping Balthazar’s arm, forcing him to a stop. They’d been walking back to Castiel’s house. It’s pretty sad that at eighteen neither of them have a car. Cas doesn’t have the cash or inclination to purchase one.

“Yes, Cassy, why is that so hard to believe?” Balthazar says, mock hurt. Cas slaps his arm.

“It’s practically blasphemy. You as an angel. Sheesh,” Cas shakes his head.

***

The night of the party has Castiel nervous, Balthazar said he would come pick Cas up in his brothers car and promised that he wouldn’t have more than a couple of drinks so Cas can get as drunk as he wants. Cas scoffed at him, because seriously. Cas can count the number of times he’d been drunk on one hand. Zero. And he doesn’t intend to break that record just yet.

When Balthazar arrives, Castiel hurries out of the apartment before Michael can stop him and give him a lecture. He sprints down the stairs and out the front door, Balthazar is dressed in a white button down shirt and black slacks, on the back seat sit a set of wings and a headband props up a halo on his head. Cas rolls his eyes at Balthazar’s costume choice. “It’s ironic Castiel! Jesus fucking Christ!” Balthazar exclaims, pulling out of the lot and heads across town to the party.

“I know it’s ironic,” Castiel grins, running his fingers over his own headband in his lap. His stinger is also tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, not having the courage to actually tie the thing around his waist.

The drive is short, only about ten minutes. They can hear the music before they actually see the house. Cars are parked across the lawn and wind down the street and around the block. _Shit_. Balthazar, by some miracle, finds a spot to park and before Castiel knows it, they’re walking through the front door.

The music seems like its shaking Castiel’s brain in his skull it’s that loud. He can barely hear himself think. The sheer number of people in the house astounds him. There is barely enough room to move about. Balthazar taps him on the shoulder and leaning close to Castiel’s ear he shouts, “I’m getting drinks. Wait here I’ll bring you one!” and then he’s gone. Castiel spins, trying to locate his friend. With a little shrug, he continues pushing through the crowd. The whole school must be here, he muses to himself.

He situates himself against a wall, watching the party thump on around him. A group of scantily clad girls dance in the middle of the living room. Others sing along to the music, some make out in the corner while others gather in clusters to talk. Cas doesn’t mind that he’s alone. He prefers to watch his surroundings and blend in. He gets so absorbed in people watching, he spaces out and a hand on his arm has him jumping out of his skin. He looks up to find a bright pair of green eyes. Holy shit. Dean Winchester. Is. Touching. Him. “Hi!” Dean shouts above the music.

“Hello, Dean!” Castiel replies. Dean holds up a plastic red cup, Castiel accepts it with a shy smile. Dean grins at him. Dean squats down and retrieves another red cup, he must have put it down when he grabbed Castiel’s arm.

“How are you? You seem lonely!” Dean shouts. Castiel shrugs noncommittally.

“I’m not lonely. Balthazar said he was bringing me a drink but that was,” he checks his watch, “Half an hour ago!” Dean’s smile dims a little at Balthazar’s name, but it’s quickly covered up with a grin.

“Well, lucky I brought you one then! Do you want to go outside? I think they’re doing shots on the porch!” before Cas can either agree or disagree, Dean is pulling him through the crowd. Chucking back his beer, he lets himself just go with it. Dean Winchester is interacting with him. By choice.

***

An hour and God knows how many shots later, Castiel is sprawled on a white plastic chair beside Dean. Both are too drunk to function and everyone else is too. Cas lets his head fall to the side and he stares at Dean. He looks really, really pretty. More so than usual. _I should kiss him_ , Castiel’s drunken brain thinks idly. He reaches up and brushes a clumsy hand down the side of Dean’s face, which turns towards him. This puts their lips within kissing range and Castiel leans forward, pressing his lips to Dean’s. At this point, the alcohol in his system has more control than common sense because at any other time, Castiel would never, ever kiss Dean Winchester.

Dean’s hand tangles in Castiel’s hair, yanking Castiel closer. Dean’s mouth tastes like cheap tequila and stale beer, but his tongue is warm where it tangles with his. In a blur, he slips from his chair and onto Dean’s lap. He straddles Dean’s thighs, putting both hands against Dean’s cheeks. Wolf whistles and catcalls erupt from the drunken teenagers around them. Dean pulls back and laughs, Castiel does too. “Come with me,” Dean says, attempting to stand with Cas still sitting on his lap. Castiel disentangles himself and they stumble into the house, up the stairs and into the closest bedroom.

It’s rushed and sloppy but really, really good. Dean has Castiel’s striped shirt off and is kissing and licking his way down Castiel’s chest even before they fully get the door shut behind them. Once Dean is on his knees and working Castiel’s jeans open Cas lets his hands drop into Dean’s hair, raking his fingernails over his scalp. Dean kisses and licks and sucks at Castiel’s dick through his boxers, making Castiel gasp and wriggle on the spot. Dean chuckles, pulling the cotton down along with Cas’ jeans. Cas clenches Dean’s hair in fists when his tongue finally touches Cas’ cock, making Dean yelp in surprised pain. Cas slurs an apology and Dean goes back to licking and suckling the cock in front of his face.

The blowjob probably isn’t a very good one considering the sheer volume of liquor that’s been consumed between them. But right now, what Dean’s doing feels like heaven and Cas can feel himself spiralling closer and closer to completion. With another firm tug to Dean’s hair, Castiel finally manages to get him to pull off and up for a kiss. Dean pushes Cas backward until they’re falling onto the bed. Castiel giggles and Dean gives him a quizzical look. Both still have their shoes on, but seriously who cares right now?

Cas fumbles with Dean’s jacket, the buttons are slightly blurry, the distance from where Dean’s straddling him too far away for him to see properly in his drunken haze. He settles for just ripping it open, buttons popping off everywhere. Dean seems to get the memo and begins working on his belt. He rocks on Castiel’s lap as he attempts to get the thick clothing off and Castiel finds himself unable to focus on anything else except for the friction over his crotch because fucking shit! He gasps and arches up off the bed. “De-Dean,” He moans and Dean looks up from where he’d been pulling his zipper down. “ ‘M gonna come, ‘f you keep doin’ that,” Cas slurs, running a hand down Dean’s toned chest, taking in the smooth muscles and warm skin. Dean gives Cas a cocky grin and grinds down, hard. Castiel nearly jumps off the bed from the sensation. “Dean!” he protests, trembling underneath the other boy. Dean rolls his eyes and crawls off Castiel to pull the rest of his clothing off.

Castiel stares as Dean clambers back onto the bed, he reaches out and pulls Dean closer by his shoulders. Their lips meet and it’s all hurried passion and teenage lust. Dean reaches between them, holding both their dicks in a loose fist, he begins pumping them slowly—an agonizingly slow rhythm. “Dean, just… just fuck me!” Castiel pleads when Dean begins kissing his way down Cas’ jaw. He pauses from where he’d been sucking a hickey onto Castiel’s collarbone.

Dean shrugs and reaches up, holding two fingers in front of Castiel’s mouth. Cas eagerly takes them into his mouth and sucks. He works up a considerable amount of saliva, dipping his tongue between and around Dean’s fingers. Dean pulls them from Cas’ mouth and reaches down; he circles one around Castiel’s hole. He looks into Castiel’s eyes and Castiel nods, squeezing his eyes shut. Slowly, Dean eases his finger inside and it hurts. The burn surprises Castiel and his body locks up. “Relax,” Dean whispers, kissing Castiel’s neck, with another nod, Cas works on that. He lets his muscles go limp and Dean eases his finger further. When it’s fully in, Dean twists it around, as if he’s looking for something. He pulls it out and eases it in, twisting and turning. He does this over and over and then it happens. He touches something and it’s like fireworks have gone off inside Castiel. He gasps and his eyes fly open. His fingers scramble for Dean’s shoulders and he holds on.

“Do… do that! Do that!” Castiel begs, wriggling as Dean slides his finger out and in again. As Castiel asked, Dean does it again, and again and then he’s adding a second finger but at this point, the burn barely even registers because Dean needs to press that spot again or Cas feels as if he’s going to die. Dean pumps his fingers a few more times and then he’s climbing off Castiel. Panicked, Cas tries to grab for the retreating boy. “Dean?”

“Gotta get s-somethin’ s-spit ain’t enou-ff,” Dean explains, swaying as he rummages in the bedside table. With a victorious sound, he pulls out a tiny bottle of clear liquid—not lube, something else, hand lotion maybe. Then he’s climbing back on Castiel, flicking off the cap and slicking himself up. He pushes in and that burn is back. Castiel yelps in pain, tears springing to his eyes. “S-sorry,” Dean apologises, brushing away Cas’ tears, nearly poking Cas’ eyes out, his fingers fumble around but Cas gets the general gist of what he’s trying to do and his heart melts. Dean stays buried in Castiel, waiting, until his breathing evens out and Cas gives him a nod. Then Dean begins to move, his cock brushing over that spot that makes Cas forget all about the pain.

Soon Dean is working up a fast rhythm. He grips onto Castiel’s hips, thumbs pressing into the little grooves where his hipbones jut out. Cas’ hands clench in the bed sheets, his mouth open in a silent moan. Dean thrusts into him again and again, harder and harder, the headboard banging against the plaster in time. Then his hips are stuttering and one of his hands are releasing their death grip on his hips to fist Castiel’s cock. They come together, Dean buried deep inside Castiel and Cas all over Dean’s fist. Dean collapses on top of Castiel, a breathless, immovable, sweaty weight.

***

They catch their breath and then Dean is wiping his hand on the sheets and climbing off Castiel. “C’mon,” he sways holding a hand out for Cas. They dress haphazardly and descend the stairs. The party is still in full swing, music thumping away and people gathered around laughing and slurring, dancing and jumping to the beat. Dean leads Castiel back towards the porch, intent on re-joining his friends. They’re almost at the French doors leading outside, when Balthazar seemingly appears out of nowhere. He glowers at Castiel and gives Dean a down right murderous look.

“Where were you?!” He demands, crossing his arms over his chest. Castiel stares at the ground, feeling like a child being scolded. He can’t imagine how worried Balthazar must have been, not knowing where Castiel has been for the past couple hours. They must have been upstairs for half and hour and he hasn’t seen Balthazar since they arrived. Suddenly the alcoholic buzz isn’t so pleasant. Dean’s come mixed with the hand lotion is making a mess in his pants as it slowly drips out and Castiel suddenly feels something like regret. No. Not regret, guilt.

“With me. Why doo yoou care?” Dean slurs, pushing himself in front of Cas. He places a hand on Dean’s arm and shakes his head. Dean steps back, glaring at Balthazar, looking mighty fierce for someone whose hair is mussed, cheeks blotchy and shirt ripped open. He looks wrecked.

“Because, Cassy is my friend and if you’ve hurt him… I swear to God, Winchester I’ll…”

“Stop!” Cas demands, stepping between them, he presses a hand to Balthazar’s chest and looks his friend dead in the eye. “Please,” he says softer. Balthazar backs down and Cas turns to Dean. “I had a very nice night, but I must go. Bye Dean,” he says, or tries to say, he isn’t all that sure how coherent he is at this point. Dean seems to get the picture and nods once, his face unreadable. He turns on his heel and storms out the French doors, the glass rattling from the force behind how hard he slams them closed. Cas jumps, staring after Dean.

“Come on, Cassy, let’s get you home,” Balthazar says tiredly, he places a hand on Castiel’s arm, leading him from the party.

***

In the morning, Castiel curses the very existence of alcohol. Rolling out of bed, he stumbles into his en suite, throwing open the toilet bowl and heaving. He shudders and tears roll down his cheeks. Screw parties, screw getting drunk and screw Charlie for making him go in the first place. This is not worth it. Resting his arms on the toilet bowl Castiel closes his eyes and groans. His head throbs in time with his heartbeat and his stomach turns somersaults.

“Castiel? Are you OK?” Michael calls through the door. Castiel groans again, Michael knew he went to that party, but he doesn’t know how much liquor he consumed. Castiel’s not stupid; he knows that he’s not supposed to be drinking. Michael knows he’s not supposed to be drinking, but if he really cared, he wouldn’t have let Castiel go in the first place. Cas thinks he’s just happy that Castiel is finally acting like a ‘normal’ teenager (whatever that is) instead of always choosing to be alone in his bedroom with a book.

“Peachy,” Castiel rasps back, standing on shaky legs, he goes over to the sink and washes his mouth out with water. He casts his eyes over his reflection in the mirror; bloodshot eyes, hair that looks like he stuck his finger in a power point and pale, blotchy skin. He looks like death warmed up. Great. His eyes catch on a dark bruise, just peaking out from the low neckline of his shirt. With a frown, he pulls the shirt aside and gasps. A hickey. Dean Winchester left a hickey, on him. He exits his bedroom to find Michael in the hallway, glass of water and two Aspirin in hand. “Thank you,” Cas murmurs taking the painkillers.

“The joys of alcohol,” Michael mutters darkly, returning to the kitchen, Castiel following glumly behind. “Next time, are you going to drink, Castiel?” Michael questions, setting up the coffeemaker to brew a new batch.

“Why did you let me go in the first place? You knew there was going to be liquor,” Castiel says instead, he squints up at his brother. The light shining in through the window is making his throbbing head even worse.

“Because now you are feeling a punishment more severe than if I had denied you access to the party in the first place, wouldn’t you agree?” Michael replies, placing a mug down before Castiel. He takes it gratefully.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Castiel grumbles, sipping his coffee.

***

On Monday it seems as if the party never happened. Everyone is going about his or her business in the usual fashion. Balthazar doesn’t mention the little altercation with Dean and everything is swell. Well, that is until lunch, when Dean stops by Cas and Balthazar’s table and requests to talk to Cas… alone. Balthazar gives Dean his signature glare, but picks up his tray and leaves anyway.

Dean sits down across from Cas. He glances around, almost as if he’s waiting for someone to laugh or poke fun for sitting with Castiel. “Yes?” Castiel asks.

“I er… was wondering, if you were feeling anything,” Dean says vaguely. Castiel tilts his head to the side, eyes narrowing slightly. Dean sighs and leans closer, “You know… the party, we went upstairs and… you know,” he clarifies. Castiel can almost see the light bulb go off above his head. He nods, taking a bite from his apple

“Well I just want to you know it was nice and all… but I think we should probably stay just friends. You know?” Castiel can feel his heart fizzle a little. Just friends. He can do that.

“Sure. I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Castiel tells Dean as sincerely as he can muster. Dean breathes a sigh of relief.

“OK, good. I just didn’t want you to hate me and I just… yeah relationships aren’t really my thing, after Lisa… yeah. So… OK. See ya around Cas,” Dean pats the aluminium table once and then he’s leaving, throwing his bag over his shoulder and loping out of the cafeteria.

Balthazar returns a few minutes later. “What did he want?” he asks darkly. Castiel stares at his apple.

“He wants to be just friends,” he says a little forlornly. Balthazar sighs and places a hand on Cas’ shoulder; he squeezes once and lets go.

“Oh Cas. Don’t be upset by him. He’s just some dumb jock that will end up staying here and probably taking over the family business. We on the other hand, have dreams! Aspirations! College! Think about it, Cas. We’ll have a life worthy of living, he won’t,” Balthazar tries to cheer Castiel up.

“I suppose you’re right, “Castiel smiles, attempting to find the silver lining to the situation.


	2. Please For The Love of God Do Not Eat Soft or Semi-soft Cheeses!

_Three Weeks Later_

The problem with pregnancy in general is the fact that your body is constantly preparing for it, even if you are positive that right now, you don’t want a baby. But, sadly your body deems it necessary to prepare on a nice regular basis. Like every month. When you throw boys into the mix that makes for a lot of menstruating. However, when you’re just getting into the whole ‘puberty’ thing everyone always says that every twenty eight days, like clockwork your period will come. But seriously, who hasn’t missed a period once or twice? It’s nothing to be worried about, right?

When Cas misses a period three weeks later, he isn’t worried, because sometimes it just happens. It’s probably because of the stress of starting his senior year. He goes about his days as per usual, maybe a little more jumpy—scared that he’ll pop a leak at any given moment.

Balthazar walks with him to school each morning, they chat about nothing in particular, the weather, Balthazar’s upcoming swim meets, the debate team, nothing of import. Balthazar grumbles and groans about Dean Winchester, Castiel pines after Dean Winchester, everything is normal.

_Two Weeks Later_

Castiel wakes up, his stomach churning. His first thought is dreaded alcohol, but he hasn’t consumed a drop of liquor since the party five weeks ago. With a groan, he hurries to his en suite, dropping to his knees on the cold tiles he heaves into the toilet bowl. _What the hell?_ he asks himself as he wipes the bile from his lips. Maybe he’s caught a bug or something that must be it. Rinsing out his mouth, Castiel trudges out of the en suite, through his bedroom and into the hallway. He rests against the wall, his head spinning and his stomach threatening to empty its contents. Once his body has calmed down somewhat, he continues into the kitchen.

Michael is already sitting at the table, reading the morning paper. He looks up when Castiel walks in. “What’s wrong with you? Are you sick?” Are Michael’s first words. He says them completely monotonous so Castiel chooses to ignore him, in favour of getting a glass of water. “ _Castiel_ ,” Michael says, voice a low warning.

“Just a bug, I’ll be fine,” Castiel waves him off, grabbing a slice of toast. Satisfied with the answer, Michael lets the subject be. For that, Cas is grateful, the last thing he needs is an interrogation.

***

The next day is a repeat performance of Castiel racing to the toilet and throwing up his stomach. Now he’s starting to worry. He sits on the cold tiles, his forehead resting against the porcelain. When was the last time he’d had his period? Slowly, Castiel drags himself off the floor and into his bedroom, he crosses the room to his desk where his calendar sits, leaning heavily against the table, he flicks through the months. _Oh no._ Castiel can feel the blood running from his face. He feels like he might faint. This is bad. Very, very bad. It’s been almost two months and it’s been almost six weeks since the party where he… and Dean. _Shit._

“Castiel, hurry up! Balthazar is here!” Michael shouts from the kitchen. Cas throws the calendar down and rushes to get ready for school. He meets Balthazar in the kitchen and they leave. As soon as they’re down the block, Balthazar stops him. Castiel’s panting and he feels woozy.

“Cassy? Are you OK?” Balthazar asks, a hand on Cas’ shoulder. Cas opens his mouth to answer, but a wave of dry heaves over take him and his knees buckle. He drops to the ground, heaving and crying and shuddering. “Cas!” Balthazar cries, dropping next to his friend, rubbing his back and comforting him. “Cas, what’s wrong? Are you sick?” Once his heaves stop, Cas sits back on his haunches. He wipes his hands over his face, brushing away his tears and bile.

“Please don’t freak out,” Cas whispers and if anything, Balthazar looks even more concerned, a frown cuts deeply into his face.

“What is it, Castiel? Tell me,” he demands. Taking a deep breath, Castiel looks Balthazar dead in the eye and tells him his worst fear.

“I think I’m pregnant.” Balthazar is speechless and Cas stares at the ground, waiting for the news to sink in.

“WHAT THE FUCK, CASTIEL! YOU IDIOT. YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Balthazar explodes. Castiel shrinks away from him. Balthazar doesn’t notice, he stands, running his fingers through his short blonde hair. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my GOD!” Balthazar chants, spinning on the spot. “Shit! Cas!” he looks down at Castiel.

“I know!” Castiel cries, looking up at his friend, pleadingly. “This was never meant to happen!”

“Obvious-fucking-ly!” Balthazar shouts and Cas flinches at the volume of his voice. “Seriously, Cassy. We’re in deep shit now. Who’s is it? Oh why did I even fucking bother asking! It’s Dean fucking Winchesters!” Balthazar, face is red from yelling and now, with anger. “I’m going to kill him,” Balthazar states calmly, certainly.

“No. Balthazar. Please. I can fix this. I can… I don’t know. I might not, be. I’ve just been feeling sick and have been vomiting and I missed my period. Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions,” Cas babbles, sitting on the ground, his hands are shaking and he’s two seconds from breaking down into hysterics.

“Yeah, OK. Alright. Come here,” Balthazar tugs Castiel up off the ground and into a hug. “We’ll fix this. Somehow,” Balthazar says quietly as he squeezes Cas. Cas rests his head on Balthazar’s shoulder as he attempts to keep his emotions under control. He can’t freak out. He can’t.

When Balthazar, pulls back, he holds Cas at arms length. “You can’t go to school today. We have to get answers. We start at the pharmacy. We’ll get a pregnancy test, go back to mine and if it comes back as positive then we’ll discuss what to do. OK?” Castiel nods and they set off for town.

***

Cas is sitting on the closed toilet seat for two and a half minutes, more like two and a half hours before he finally gets a result. It feels like his heart has been ripped open. His life is over. This is it. He opens the door and flings himself into Balthazar’s arms. “I take it, it says positive then,” Balthazar mutters. Cas nods, carefully schooling his features to neutral even though inside he’s about ready to sit in a corner and cry. “Right. Looks like we’ve got a trip to the obstetrician in our future, There’s a clinic downtown.”

“Well, there’s no time like the present,” Castiel says, mustering up a smile. Balthazar gives him a concerned look, but nods anyway.

The walk to the little doctors surgery is tense, neither knowing what to say to ease the tension. They have quite a situation on their hands.

They stand awkwardly outside the building, Castiel staring at the glass windows, wringing his hands nervously. “Don’t worry, Cassy, it’ll be OK,” Balthazar tries to reassure him. Cas raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. Balthazar has been saying that, but does he _really_ believe it? Is everything really going to be OK? Cas doubts it.

Inside, the waiting room is a cheery yellow and the receptionist has a bright smile on her face. Castiel tries to mimic the smile, but knows he’s failing miserably when the smile on the girl’s face falters. “May I help you?” She asks brightly. Balthazar clears his throat and butts in before Cas can say anything.

“Yes, we’d like an appointment with Jody. As soon as physically possible,” Cas turns to him with a confused look. Jody? She must be an obstetrician, but how does Balthazar know her by name? The receptionist tells them to take a seat and she’ll see if there’s an opening today. Cas pops each of his knuckles individually, waiting impatiently, hunched over in the plastic waiting room chair. The wait would only have had to be five minutes, but to Cas, it’s like hours before a woman with short brown hair and brown eyes is walking towards them. “Jody,” Balthazar greets, standing quickly, holding out a hand for her to shake. She takes it with a smile.

“Balthazar, back again are we? What have you done now?” Jody says jokingly. Balthazar nods in Cas’ direction.

“Not me. Him. I’m moral support,” Balthazar states, holding his hands up in surrender. Jody narrows her eyes at him before turning to Cas.

“Hello Castiel, my name is Jody Mills and I am a gynaecologist and obstetrician,” she says soothingly. Cas tries to smile. “Would you like to come with me? We’ll have a little chat,” she says as if she were talking to a child. Normally, Cas would be offended at her tone of voice, but right now he’d give anything to be a child. He wouldn't be in this mess if he were.

Nodding, he rises from his chair and follows the woman into her office. Jody gestures to the examination table and Cas slides onto it. Jody takes her place at a side table that houses a laptop computer. “So, tell me everything,” she says simply. With a deep breath, Cas tells Jody absolutely everything, from the party, to the missed period to the possible morning sickness to the pregnancy test. Jody listens throughout the whole story and by the end of it, there are tears on Castiel’s cheeks and his fingers ache from how hard he’d been clasping his hands together.

“That is quite a story and by the sounds of it, I’m going to have to agree. You are pregnant Castiel. I know that that wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but I’ll help you through this. OK?” Jody tells him, looking at him sympathetically. Cas lets his head drop into his hands. His whole body is shaking with barely suppressed sobs. How could this have happened? How could he have been so stupid? A sob works its way up his chest and out his mouth. This is it. He can forget about college or a life because there’s no way Cas would ever be able to forgive himself if he aborted it... “You’ll get through this Castiel.”

“I hope so,” he sobs, peaking up at Jody through his fingers. She gives him a sympathetic smile, getting out of her chair; she crosses the room and hugs him.

Once Cas calms down somewhat, Jody tells him about the possible options he has. “Now, there are four things that you can do. Parent the baby, give the baby up for adoption, foster the child until you’re able to care for it or abort it.” Jody lists them on her fingers, counting each one off. Castiel reels back at the last point.

“I’m not aborting my baby, it may have been an accident, but I’m not going to kill it,” he says firmly. Jody nods.

“OK, that’s fine. You don’t have to make a decision about what you’re going to do right now. Sleep on it. There’s also the issue of the father. Do you know who is it?” She asks without sounding like she’s implying that Cas sleeps around a lot. It’s quite a feat actually.

“Yes,” Cas doesn’t elaborate. He thinks about Dean’s reaction when he inevitably has to tell him.

“OK, I suggest telling him. He’ll need to know.”

“I know. But… how? Dean’s going to flip out. He already told me that what happened was it. He only wants to be friends,” Cas’ voice rises higher and higher as he speaks, his chest feels tight and _oh God why is the room spinning?_

“Cas? Cas, calm down, breathe with me, come on. In. Out. In. Out. You can do it,” Jody takes a deep breath, holds it and exhales. She gestures for Cas to do the same. Cas sucks in a deep breath through his nose; he holds it for a beat and exhales. He repeats it a few times until he can feel his heart rate resume it’s normal speed and the room gradually stops spinning. “There you go,” Jody says soothingly. Cas thanks her and they resume talking about Cas’ immediate future regarding the pregnancy.

***

Castiel spends the rest of the day at Balthazar’s house. He doesn’t dare go back to his own for fear that Michael finds him there. He’d kill Castiel if he found out that he skipped. He’s going to kill Cas anyway, when he finds out that Castiel is pregnant and intends to keep his baby, Cas could be out of a home. The brother of a Priest: a teenager and pregnant. How _unholy_.

They play video games, or well Castiel gets his ass handed to him by Balthazar. Call of Duty just isn’t one of Cas’ strong points. It’s fun, normal and for those couple of hours they can forget about the little matter of Castiel’s pregnancy.

At three thirty Cas decides to leave and he heads back home, Michael still isn’t home, thank the heavens and Cas sets the kettle to brew some coffee. It’s only when he’s about to pour the dark liquid into his chipped mug that he remembers Jody’s words; _no coffee, no unpasturised milk, no alcohol, no freshly squeezed juice; buy it from the supermarket, no salami or pepperoni, no raw meat make sure everything is a good 165 Fahrenheit and please for the love of God do not eat soft or semi-soft cheeses._ With a sigh, Castiel tips his coffee down the sink, watching glumly as the liquid disappears down the drain. He settles for a glass of water and some crackers instead.

***

Cas sits on his bed with a book, _Lolita_ by Vladimir Nabokov, he tries concentrating on the words on the page, but he just can’t. He sets the book aside and leans against the headboard, he stares at the ceiling. He can’t tell Michael. He can’t tell Anna. The only other family he has is Gabriel. Gabriel and Cas are the two Novak siblings that have the best relationship as far as being brothers go. Michael is too old, he’s more of a reluctant father and Anna is a fifteen-year-old girl, sent away to an all girls’ boarding school. She hates Michael’s guts for making her leave and she sees Castiel as being just as guilty for not standing up to the eldest Novak sibling.

Cas snatches up his mobile phone and is dialling Gabriel’s number before he loses his nerve. It rings for a moment and Cas thinks that maybe his brother won’t pick up. Gabriel left as soon as he finished high school, two years ago and hasn’t been back for anything other than Thanksgiving and Christmas. He and Cas talk regularly, maybe once per month, so really they’re due for their monthly chat.

“Hey little bro,” Gabriel answers, cheerful as ever. Castiel swallows hard before replying.

“Um… I have a situation.”

“What did you do now?” Gabriel jokes and Cas has to rub his fists into his eyes to stop the tears prickling at his eyes.

“Something bad. It’s really bad, Gabriel,” Cas says quietly, his voice hoarse. Gabriel is silent a moment.

“What’s wrong Cas?” he sounds worried and Castiel instantly feels guilty for worrying his brother.

“I… um… am pregnant,” Cas whispers. The silence on the other end of the phone lasts so long Cas actually takes the phone away from his ear to see if one of them had hung up. “Gabriel?” he asks, quietly—hesitantly.

“Oh God, Cas. You weren’t kidding when you said it was bad. Oh _shit,_ ” Gabriel curses. Cas pinches the bridge of his nose to relieve some of the tension building up. It doesn’t work.

“What am I going to do, Gabriel? I’m scared,” Cas confesses. Gabriel sighs on the other end of the line.

“I don’t know Cas. Shit. I’d never have guessed this would happen. Jesus Christ, what were you thinking?” Gabriel rants. “Seriously, you’re a fucking nerd! How? _How?_ ”

“I don’t know! It was a mistake! I’m sorry,” Cas cries, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Don’t worry. You can abort it right? Do that! Don’t tell Michael what ever you fucking do. He’ll skin you alive,” Gabriel warns. Castiel sits bolt upright.

“No. I’m not getting rid of it. It’s mine. It’s an innocent in all this," Castiel tells Gabriel, his voice hard. Gabriel sighs again.

“I knew you would say that. Look, I’m not going to kid you into thinking that I know anything about how to handle this shit. ‘Cause I don’t. You know that. I have no idea what you should do. I’m sorry. But I’ll call once a week and you keep me posted. Tell me when you want to tell Michael and I’ll come down. You aren’t alone in this, you hear me? You have me. Wait. Who’s the father? I swear to God if it’s some punk I’ll beat his ass…”

“Gabriel! You just went from being supportive to psychotic in two seconds. Please. The father is Dean Winchester. And before you ask, yes _the_ Dean Winchester that you’ve heard all about. No, he doesn’t know and yes I know I should tell him,” Castiel rushes out. He brushes a hand through his hair, tugging lightly on the ends.

“Well Cas, I don’t know if I should be glad that you finally grew a pair and got with your boy or to curse your very existence for not using a condom. I gotta go, Cas. I’m at work. Please don’t freak out and remember to tell me when you’re going to tell Michael so I can be there. Got it?”

“Yes. Thank you, Gabriel,” Cas says sincerely.

“Bye Cas.”

 


	3. Screw You Morning Sickness!

_6 weeks_

Morning sickness is a bitch. Cas has lost count of how many times he’s started the day throwing up. He’s taken to turning the shower on when he’s curled in front of the toilet, to disguise the noise and so he can wash away the icky feeling vomiting up your stomach brings. The nausea has only gotten worse, but so far Michael hasn’t noticed anything. Castiel doesn’t know whether to be offended or thankful.

Balthazar’s worried. He’s constantly giving Cas these _looks_ that Cas doesn’t know how to interpret. Castiel has an inkling that Balthazar thinks he’s an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. But Cas doesn’t know how to explain it. He just _can’t._ As much pain and suffering he knows is going to come, he just can’t bear to kill it.

On Wednesday morning, Cas comes to a decision. He tells Balthazar on their way to school. “Hey Balthazar, I think I’m going to tell Dean today,” he tries for a conversational tone; apparently it comes out more meek than anything because Balthazar instantly stops walking. He gives Cas another _look_ and shakes his head.

“Do you think that that is a good idea?” he questions. Cas shrugs. It probably isn’t. But whether Dean likes it or not, this is his problem too. “Don’t just shrug, Castiel! This is a big deal; you have to think through whom you’re going to tell before you tell them! You can’t just come out and be all ‘ _I’m pregnant yay!’”_ Balthazar spits, glaring at his friend. Cas frowns, arms wrapping around in his middle—hugging himself.

“I have thought this through, but don’t you think the father of this child deserves to know that there, in fact, is a child?” Cas snaps back, he turns his back and continues walking. Screw Balthazar for acting like a douche. Dean has to know about the baby, he can’t just be left in the dark. Everyone is going to find out sooner or later anyway. Cas might as well be the one to tell him. Cas can hear Balthazar’s hurried footsteps on the gravel as he jogs to catch up.

“Cassy, wait. Come on, please. Look, I’m sorry. I know you’ve obviously thought this through and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Yes of course you should tell Dean but I just want you to be careful I don’t want to see you hurt,” Balthazar pleads with him, finally having caught up.

“I’m glad you’ve finally seen reason,” Castiel snaps sarcastically. Balthazar doesn’t reply and they continue walking in tense silence.

***

Cas decides it’s probably best to wait until after school to drop the bomb on Dean. The only problem is that Dean has baseball practice. So Cas finds himself, trudging across a muddy field to the baseball diamond. He lets himself in through the high chain link fence and sits down in the bleachers. He’s got nothing better to do than wait for Dean to finish. Castiel wouldn’t dare interrupt his practice.

Cas watches as the team of ten boys and coach Lafitte assemble. The whole team is wearing ratty worn jerseys and long baseball pants, most have a cap on too. But whether the bill is forwards or backwards or to the side varies a lot around the boys. Dean’s is backwards. Cas can’t help but smile. He watches as Dean jokes around with his teammates, roughhousing one another. Shortly after that, practice is underway.

For a while, Castiel watches as they split into two groups, one group running laps of the diamond and the other pitching back and forth to each other. Cas then realizes why he’s never come to any baseball games before and now can confidently say that the practice is even more boring than the actual game. He pulls up his school bag, taking out the copy of _Lolita_ he begins to read, only looking up when someone shouts or there’s a scuffle: which is regularly. Really he probably ends up watching most of the practice anyway. Well, not really. He mostly stares at Dean. Dean talking and laughing with his teammates. Dean pitching the ball. Dean batting. Dean running. It’s no surprise that he’s the captain of the team, he’s good at everything, but he’s not cocky about it.

An hour later, baseball practice is over and the team begins filing out through the chain link fence. Cas scrambles to shove his book back into his bag. He follows after Dean who’s deep in conversation with Adam Milligan. Castiel waits patiently until Adam is striding away towards a beat up bicycle. “Dean?” Cas calls, hugging his backpack to his chest as if it were a shield. Dean turns around; his face breaks out in a grin when he sees Cas.

“Hey Cas. How’s it going?” he greets, slowing his strides for Cas to catch up. Cas swallows, how in the hell is he going to tell Dean? It’s going to shatter him.

“Um, not so well,” Cas replies, his voice soft. Dean stops walking, he turns to Cas his grin gone.

“What is it, Cas?” Dean asks, putting a hand on Castiel’s arm in a show of comfort. Castiel can feel his throat closing up. He can do this!

“I er… can we go somewhere a little more private?” Cas whispers, looking at the last stragglers from the team. Dean nods, leading Castiel towards his car; a black Impala.

“What is it?” Dean asks, hand dropping from Cas’ arm. Castiel hugs the backpack tighter and stares at the ground, gathering courage. There is no way he can look Dean in the eye and say this.

“I’m pregnant, Dean,” Cas says softly. Dean doesn’t react. Cas expects yelling or maybe a fist in his face or something, but nothing comes. He tilts his head up, watching Dean process the news. Dean’s frown deepens.

“Why’re you telling me this?” Dean asks, as if there is some way that the baby growing inside Castiel isn’t his.

“You know why,” Cas responds. Dean stays silent, he stares at Castiel. It’s like in those movies where the silence is only broken by the ticking of a clock and when the clock stops, everything jumps into action. That’s exactly what happens now. Dean is silent and then he’s not. He spins around in a parody of what Balthazar did when Castiel told him.

“Fuck!” Dean shouts throwing his mitt to the ground so hard it bounces a little. “Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!” Dean tugs a hand through his hair. He glares at Castiel as if this is all his fault, before turning away again. “Shit!” he yells, eyes scanning the ground. A beer bottle lies to the side of Dean’s foot and he boots it, sending it skittering across the ground. Cas takes a step backward, tears welling in his eyes. He knew Dean wasn’t going to be happy about this. He knew it. But it still doesn’t make it any less hurtful seeing Dean flip out. Cas takes another step backward, trying to creep away before Dean notices. He brushes at his eyes trying to stop the tears. _So much for being strong_ , the little voice in his head is bitter.

“I’m sorry,” Cas tells him quietly, his voice wobbly. Dean turns towards him, his expression softening.

“Look Cas, I don’t know what to say. This was _not_ supposed to happen!” Dean exclaims throwing his hands up.

“I know,” Cas replies, looking at the ground, his throat still feels choked up and his vision is blurry with tears.

“Hey, Cas please don’t cry,” Dean pleads, stepping closer to Castiel. His hands come up and hover near Cas’ shoulders, before dropping awkwardly to his sides. Cas tries. He really does, but as soon as he’s shown any sort of sympathy the floodgates open and there’s no point in him even trying to quench the tears. His shoulders shake as he cries. Dean growls something unintelligible and reels Castiel into a hug. Cas’ bag falls to the ground between them and he wraps his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean holds Castiel for a moment until he’s calmed down, his sobs settling down to little whimpers. “Cas, _Cas_ hey, look at me,” Dean demands and Castiel looks up, meeting Dean’s eyes. He sniffs pitifully. “I’m sorry…” Dean begins but Castiel cuts him off.

“Are you mad at me?” he asks, as Dean dislodges one of Cas’ arms from his death grip around his waist to retrieve his backpack from the ground.

“No, I’m mad at myself. This is my fault. But here…” he pulls out a pen from Cas' bag. “Is my number. I don’t know what we’re going to do, but it’s my fault we’re in this situation and I’ll stand by you,” Dean tells him, writing a series of numbers on Castiel’s palm. Cas nods and wipes his tears away, trying to look presentable, the last thing he needs is Michael asking questions. “Now, the least I can do is give you a ride home. Come on.”

***

Cas continues meeting with Jody once per week, spending all his spare cash from his job at a little café in town on paying for his appointments. Jody tells him that he’s doing a good job considering the circumstances. She’s given him prenatal vitamins to take and Castiel hides them from Michael in the bottom drawer of his desk. When Cas asks her about the morning sickness, he’s horrified to learn that he’ll probably be experiencing it for another seven to eight weeks. _Two more months of sickening nausea. Yay._

So far Michael hasn’t noticed anything, but Jody tells him it’s only a matter of time before he starts to show. She also tells him that the possibility that he could miscarriage is high, so if he’s going to tell Michael, he should wait until that threat passes.

***

It isn’t until about week eight of Castiel’s pregnancy that Michael notices the lack of coffee he’s drinking. At breakfast he watches as Cas takes the store bought orange juice from the fridge and pours a glass. Castiel drinks with his back to Michael, staring out the window above the sink. “What?” he asks irritably.

“Why aren’t you drinking coffee? You can’t live without the stuff,” Michael answers, not looking away from where his eyes are firmly planted on Castiel’s back. Cas can feel his heart pick up. _This is it. He knows. He’s worked it out. Keep calm!_ He orders himself.

Turning Castiel shrugs nonchalantly, “I figure the caffeine can’t be doing me much good, I’m still just as irritable and tired with the coffee.”

“Well, maybe you should go to bed earlier,” Michael advises, standing from the table and making his way to Cas’ side by the sink. He rinses his mug. _Nice save_ , Cas congratulates himself.

“Meh, maybe.”

“Suit yourself. I’ll see you this afternoon,” and then Michael is leaving. Castiel waits for the front door to slam closed before heaving a sigh of relief.

***

Christmas is in four days and Gabriel is due to arrive any minute. Anna decided she doesn’t want to spend the holidays with her brothers and has chosen to stay at the boarding school. Michael doesn’t mind, but Cas can’t help but feel a little sad that he won’t be seeing his sister until the spring, that is if she decides to come home.

Cas lies back on his bed, his book closed in his hand. Reading just hasn’t been happening in the past two months. There have been more pressing things on his mind and its just impossible to really absorb the words on the page.

It’s a blessed relief when Michael shouts down the hallway at him that Gabriel is here. He jumps up from the bed, making sure his sweater and multiple other layers cover any possible _hint_ of pregnancy flab. He throws open his bedroom door and races out to meet his brother. Gabriel stands in the living room, duffle bag in hand. “Gabriel!” Cas exclaims a grin on his face; he crosses the room and pulls his older brother into a hug.

“Hey Cas” Gabe greets, hugging Castiel back. “Good to see ya.”

“You too.” Cas pulls back and they stand awkwardly, Gabriel’s eyes flit over him, landing briefly on Cas’ relatively flat stomach before moving back to Cas’ face. He gives Cas a strained smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Now that Cas can really look at his brother, Gabriel looks worn out. There are bags under his eyes and his hair is a little unkempt. Nothing that a random off the street would count as out of the ordinary. Michael probably wouldn’t even be able to tell, but Cas can see the worry in his brother’s eyes. It makes him guilty to think that he’s the one who’s caused it.

“I’ve ordered pizza,” Michael tells them, rounding the corner into the living room.

“Great!” Gabe grins, clapping his hands together. “Cas you going to keep lil ol’ me company as I unpack?” Gabriel hints and Cas nods, heading to Gabriel’s old room. He drops down on the bed, the springs creaking in protest. Gabriel throws the duffle into a corner and drops into the little desk chair. “How’re you?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. Cas shrugs.

“Stressed. Freaking out. Michael still doesn’t know. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been going to an obstetrician but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to keep paying for the appointments. I’m probably going to have to pick up more shifts while I still can,” Cas says softly. Gabe says nothing, he just stands and pulls his wallet from his back pocket. “What are you doing?” Cas questions, sitting up and facing his brother. Gabriel holds out several notes. “I can’t take your money!” Cas protests.

“Take it. You need it. I told you I would be here for you and here I am. Take the goddamn money, Cas,” Gabriel waves it in front of Cas’ face.

“No.” Gabe shoots forward, grabbing Castiel’s wrist and slaps the money onto Cas’ palm, he closes Castiel’s fingers around the notes.

“You. Need. It,” Gabe tells him, seriously. Castiel looks down at the notes in his palm. He counts out $260. He shakes his head, eyes filling with tears. Gabriel might be known as a trickster amongst his friends and he’s played more than enough jokes on his brothers. He comes off as a _player_ who doesn’t really care about anything, but this here is proof that he’ll do anything for family.

“Thank you, Gabe,” he says, voice watery. He brushes away his tears and Gabe hugs him, sitting down on the bed.

“Don’t sweat it. Just please be careful. How far along are you?” he asks, crossing his arms.

“Nearly nine weeks,” Cas answers.

“Shit.”

***

 Christmas comes and goes and soon Castiel is back as school. All throughout winter break he’d picked up as many shifts as possible, leaving him tired and irritable. It’d been worth it though, Castiel had worked all but two days of break and he went out of his way to be extra hospitable to the customers. Seeing the extra cash in his bank account was nice and for the first time since finding out he’s pregnant, Cas actually thinks that things might be OK.


	4. Michael Finds Out

_12 Weeks_

Castiel finds that with the end of his first trimester it’s becoming more and more difficult to hide his bump. School is fine, nobody pays much attention to him, they never have but Cas knows that that will soon change. However, hiding it from Michael is another whole kettle of fish. The bulky sweaters have worked but they aren’t _that_ bulky.

Gabriel has decided to take a month sabbatical from his job and since Christmas has been staying with him. He watches Castiel like a hawk. He notices the little things, like Castiel’s grumpiness in the mornings after chucking up his stomach and a half, and acts accordingly, having a glass of juice ready for him when he reaches the kitchen.

It’s after dinner when Castiel is washing the dishes that Michael finally says something. “Castiel… I don’t want to offend you… but it has come to my attention that you’ve begun to gain weight,” Michael says about as subtly as a semi trailer. Cas freezes, his back still to his brother. _Shit! This is it._

“About that…” It’s been on Castiel’s mind for the past few weeks: Michael finally saying something. The worry is eating him up inside. What will Michael say? What will he do? Should he just lie? Act offended that Michael is calling him fat? “I think you should sit down,” Cas says cautiously, pulling his hands from the nearly scalding water in the sink. He dries them on a tea towel and finally turns to face his brother. He had planned on coming right out and saying “I’m pregnant” when his brother finally opened his mouth. But now that that time as come, the words stick in his throat, refusing to budge.

“Why?” Michael answers, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest. Castiel leans against the sink, Michael stands across from him, the kitchen table the only thing separating them.

“I know you’re going to flip. And before you can say anything, I just want to apologise and say that I never meant for this to happen. It was an accident and…”

“Are you in trouble Castiel? What did you do?” Michael cuts in, his voice carefully schooled into neutrality.

“I’m pregnant,” Castiel says quietly.

The replying silence is deafening.

Michael stares at him. He says nothing. Just stares. His face, however, is not blank. Castiel can see each individual emotion flit across his face like a children’s picture book. Shock. Horror. Disappointment. Anger. _Rage_. Michael’s face turns red, a vein standing out on his forehead. Cas shrinks backward in an aborted attempt to get away from his brother.

“WHAT? No. You’re kidding. You have to be. Castiel! No. No. No this... no,” Michael babbles, his hands clenching and unclenching. He shakes his head a manic smile on his face. His brain just not allowing him to come to terms with the news because Castiel _cannot_ be pregnant. Not book loving; head of the debate team, only has one friend, Castiel.

“I’m sorry, Michael,” Cas whispers, hugging himself—trying to make himself seem smaller.

“What’s going on here?” Gabriel stalks into the kitchen as silent as a cat. Two pairs of eyes swivel to him. Michael glares at his brother.

“Did you know about this?” He spits, pointing a menacing finger in Castiel’s direction. Gabriel looks between his brothers, he glares right back at Michael but when his eyes land on Castiel they soften with something like sympathy. Castiel stares at the ground.

“Yes,” Gabriel answers, crossing his arms. He moves around the kitchen so that he’s between Michael and Cas.

“For how long? Castiel how long have you been lying to me?” Michael demands.

“I’m almost at the end of my first trimester,” Cas answers meekly. Michael gasps.

“Castiel Novak! You do know what you have to do, don’t you? It is completely inappropriate for a person, a child, of your age to bear children. You must carry the baby to term, but you are unable to care for it. You must give it up for adoption. I know a family that will be willing…”

“Michael!” Gabriel snaps, glaring ferociously at his older brother. “How can you say such a thing?”

“Castiel has committed a great sin. Intercourse before marriage is wrong and Castiel, you can fix this,” Michael preaches. Castiel blanches, a hand coming up to rest on his lower abdomen. _No! He can’t! He wont._ “Adoption, Castiel, is what is right.”

“Michael, that’s not the church’s belief. It’s your fucked up one!” Gabriel shouts, looking about ready to throw a punch. Castiel steps forward, placing a hand on his brothers’ wrist.

“It’s OK,” he tells Gabriel. He turns to Michael, feeling tears welling in his eyes. “I’m keeping my baby and you can go screw yourself.” Castiel shoves past his eldest brother, who gapes after him. Shock and anger still evident on his face.

“Well… well… I will not be having you under my roof if you refuse to comply with what is right. I will not force you to leave, but after the child is born you must. Castiel I am serious!” Michael shouts after him when Cas continues towards the door.

Pausing, Cas turns back, without turning back he says calmly, “Fine. I’ll do one better. I’ll move out the day I graduate. That way you only have to put up with me for a couple more months.”

“Don’t be stupid, Castiel,” Michael scoffs.

“He doesn’t have to stay with you. He can live with me. I am capable to caring for the two of them,” Gabriel hisses.

Cas ignores the both of them, storming towards the front door. He steps outside into the cold night, wrapping his arms around himself. He storms down the driveway, walking away from the house with no real destination in mind. It only takes a few minutes before he’s shivering in his sweater.  The temperature is supposed to drop to around 40 degrees. Cas keeps his head down, his teeth rattling together. He clenches his jaw to silence them. He should have grabbed his coat. _Idiot! Now I’m going to freeze to death._ Cas stomps along the side of the road, pissed that his brother is such a douche, pissed at himself for going to that dumb party in the first place.

For nothing better to do, Cas pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his contacts stopping at Dean’s name. In any other situation Balthazar is generally his go to guy. So why is his thumb hovering over Dean’s name?

Cas presses the call button.

He listens as the phone connects. It rings and rings and Cas is two seconds away from hanging up, when Dean’s breathless voice picks up. “Hello?”

“Hello Dean,” Cas chatters, shoving his free hand into the pocket of his jeans.

“Cas? Why does it sound like your teeth are chattering together?” Dean questions.

“Um, because I’m walking down the street in a sweater and jeans?” the statement comes out sounding more like a question.

“What! Cas it’s freezing outside! Where are you? I’ll come get you, just wait... Hang on. Why are you walking at… seven o’clock at night? Is something wrong?” There are a jangle of keys and thumps, like Dean is pulling on boots or something. _Dean? Where are you going?_ A woman’s voice is faint in the background. Dean’s reply is muffled, as if he pulled the phone away from his mouth before speaking. “For a drive.” _Don’t be out too late._ “I won’t mom.”

“You don’t have to come get me…” Cas starts. Dean cuts him off with a sharp ‘shut up.’

“Don’t be an idiot,” Dean mutters, followed by a slam of what Cas assumes is the Impala door. “Now tell me where you are.”

***

Dean stopped by the curb and Cas got into the big black car for the second time in his life. Wordlessly, Dean leans forward and cranks the heat. Cas notices a rattling noise that seems like it is coming from the vents, he cocks his head; listening. _Yep, definitely something rattling around in there._ But then again, he’s no mechanic. Dean drives in silence, the radio off, and his knuckles white where they clench the steering wheel. Cas gears up to randomly comment about the rattling. They’ve got nothing else to speak about so why not start there?

“What’s that rattling noise?” he asks idly. Dean’s head turns to him, a smirk on his lips before turning back to the road. Castiel watches the quick reaction from the corner of his eye.

“Oh, when I was a kid I kinda shoved some Lego’s in the vents and nobody’s been bothered to take ‘em out,” Dean shakes his head at the memory. “Dad nearly flipped out, but then he saw that Sammy had stuck a toy soldier in the ashtray and yeah, he ended up just rolling his eyes and leaving them both,” Dean reminisces.

They sit in silence for a moment. Dean breaks it by clearing his throat and Cas turns to him, “So, how… is everything? With… you know…” he asks, awkwardly. Cas feels himself melt a little bit. Dean is being so sweet and wonderful and Castiel would bet all his money that Dean didn’t even know it.

“Fine. I’m pretty sure I just got kicked out though.”

Dean’s head jerks up so fast Cas jumps. “Seriously?!” Cas shrugs noncommittally. “Shit, Cas, I’m sorry. God this is all my fault. Where’re you going to go?”

“Oh I’m going to go home, Michael wouldn’t dare tarnish his reputation by kicking to the curb his young, helpless, pregnant brother. He wants me to give the baby up for adoption but I wont. So he’s given me until it’s born. I said I’d go as soon as I graduate. I don’t think I can bear seeing the disgust in his eyes every time he looks at me,” Cas explains, fiddling with his hands in his lap as he speaks.

“Oh Cas,” Dean sighs. Cas keeps his eyes planted firmly in his lap. He can’t see the pity in Dean’s face right now or he’s almost certain he’s going to start bawling. 

“Can you just take me home? I need to get home,” Cas murmurs, eyes still in his lap. Dean sighs, but says nothing. They drive in silence.

Dean pulls up at the curb; as soon as the car stops moving Cas is fumbling with his seatbelt. “Cas, wait,” Dean’s hand wraps around Cas’ wrist—stilling his movements. Cas doesn’t look at him as he continues, “I’m really sorry. You probably hate me and I don’t blame you. I really want to help. Please let—,” Cas leans over the space between them, pressing his lips to Dean’s. He barely gives himself time to enjoy the feeling of Dean’s soft lips before he’s scrambling out of the car and up the driveway. It’s a few moments after the front door has slammed shut that Cas even hears the Impala drive away. _I just kissed Dean Winchester._ That thought plagues him for the rest of the night.

***

The following day, Cas does his best to avoid Dean. He doesn’t really know what he was thinking when he kissed Dean last night. It just kind of happened. It’s not that he regrets it. Quite the opposite actually. Nonetheless he keeps his head down and sticks with Balthazar.

His appointment with Jody is at four and he spends the hour beforehand with Balthazar. Lounging back on Balthazar’s bed he idly lays a hand over his slightly protruding stomach. Maybe having this baby won’t be so bad after all?

“So then I said to her ‘Darling, if you want me to kiss you how about you use some floss, yes’ and she slapped me! Cassy can you see how unfair she was being?” Balthazar rants. Cas rolls his eyes.

“You do realise how that could have sounded offensive, right?” Cas points out. Balthazar waves him off, folding a pile of laundry. For someone who claims to be a ‘badass sex God’ he’s very domestic… and arrogant. Checking his watch, Cas rolls off the bed.

“Gotta go,” he slings his backpack across his shoulders. Balthazar sighs dramatically.

“Now whom am I supposed to annoy for the rest of the afternoon?”

“That girl, what’s her name? She was lying naked on your bed when I walked in the other day,” Cas wracks his brain for a name.

“Sylvia? Oh no, she won’t be back here. Too clingy that one,” Balthazar screws his nose up and places another shirt on his immaculate pile.

“Bye Balthazar,” Castiel calls.

***

“When are you planning to finish up school?” Jody asks, fiddling with a pen.

“I was going to completely finish the school year. It’s my last one. I have to get my diploma,” Castiel answers. Jody’s eyes narrow slightly in disapproval.

“Are you sure?” she questions. “Are you going to be able to handle it?”

“I’m going to have to,” Cas sighs. Jody nods.

“Fair enough. You should probably schedule a meeting with your principal to inform them of your condition. Just to let them know,” Jody advises. “How much exercise have you been getting in?”

“I walk to and from school. I walk to work and back and the other night I went for an impromptu walk when I told my brother.”

“So roughly how many miles a day?”

“Three? Maybe? I’m not too sure,” Castiel feels a little guilty.

“Don’t worry. You’re doing more than some. Speaking of your brother finding out, how did he take it?” Jody turns to face him, her hands clasped loosely between her knees.

“Not well. He wants me to put the baby up for adoption and if I don’t he won’t let me stay,” Castiel can feel his throat closing up. _Damn these hormones!_

“Oh Castiel,” Jody places a hand on his arm. “Is there someone else you could possibly stay with?”

“Yes. My brother Gabriel lives a town over. He said I’d be able to stay with him.”

“That’s good. Don’t worry about Michael. I’m sure once he sees the little one, he’ll change his mind.”

“I hope you're right.”


	5. Mr and Mrs Winchester, I’m Pregnant

_18 Weeks_

When Balthazar asked Cas if he wanted to go to his next swim carnival on Saturday morning, he wanted to decline spouting any number of reasons why; the irritability, head aches or maybe even the slight insomnia. But, like the good friend he is, he pushed his problems to the side, because he could survive a couple hours sitting in the grandstands cheering for his friend. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Dean will be in attendance. Nothing at all…

“I would appreciate it, if you would take your eyes from Dean Winchester’s bare back for one second and listen to me,” Balthazar says idly as he adjusts the band on his goggles. Castiel averts his eyes, cheeks flaming.

“I wasn’t… I’m sorry. Are you nervous?” Castiel awkwardly changes the subject, keeping his eyes on Balthazar’s hands. Dean is sitting a few rows to the left with his family. He’s also dressed in only a pair of speedos. It’s not Cas’ fault he looks really, really good in those speedos. The muscles in his back rippling with every movement, freckles smattering his shoulders tanned lightly from hours spent in the pool. Thanks to the baseball, Dean’s body is a little more built than the other swimmers, but he’s just as fast in the water.

“Why would I be nervous? Three one hundred metre races and a relay with good ol’ Winchester. What’s there to be nervous about?” Balthazar answers sarcastically. Cas rolls his eyes. Balthazar gets especially moody when he’s nervous.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll do well. You’ve been practicing really hard and from what I’ve seen you’ve gotten faster.”

“Stop Castiel. You aren’t helping. Go back to ogling Winchester,” Balthazar pulls out a tube of sun block and begins slathering it across his arms. Cas averts his eyes guiltily. He knows how much swimming means to Balthazar but he’s been unable to even stop by his training lately with all the extra shifts at work he’s been taking.

It isn’t long before he finds his eyes wandering over to Dean and his family. Dean has his head tilted back and he’s laughing heartily at what a younger boy is saying. It must be his brother. He’s seen him at the library a few times with Dean. Or rather, he’s seen Dean trailing behind the boy as he enthusiastically picked out book after book.

Now that boy subtly nods in Castiel’s direction and before he can look away, Dean’s turning and waving at him. Blushing profusely, Cas waves back then turns his back on them, hearing Balthazar chuckle somewhat evilly. “ Oh cut it out,” Cas admonishes, swatting Balthazar over the back of the head.

“Oh me? Maybe I should be the one saying that to you. It is you, after all, who is ogling Dean Winchester like he’s Adonis or something. And speak of the devil and he shall appear. Winchester, I hope you’re in tip top shape today,” Balthazar addresses Dean. He stands next to Castiel, who hasn’t worked up the guts to actually lift his gaze.

“Don’t worry about me, Milton, I’ll be fine,” Dean replies coolly. Hey Cas,” he sits down next to him. Cas shifts his gaze across to Dean’s freckled arm then slowly up and up and up to his face. Dean gives him a lopsided smirk.

“Hello Dean,” he murmurs. _Jesus Christ why am I so nervous?_ It should disturb Cas more than it does when a little voice inside him replies by helpfully replaying the events of their shared kiss almost a month ago. He’s been doing he best to stay away from Dean since then.

“Come to cheer us on? I have a feeling today is going to be a good day,” Dean says happily. Cas nods, eyes wandering over Dean’s face. His green eyes are alight with excitement. Cas sighs internally, he’s so beautiful it hurts. He needs to get the hell over this crush before he hurts himself even more.

“Yeah well, as long as you don’t fuck up our relay today, Winchester, we have a good chance at winning,” Balthazar gripes, glaring up at Dean.

“Maybe I should be worried about you. You weren’t at practice last week. Too busy fucking some skank?” Dean bites, tensing for a fight. Castiel looks between the two boys. Alright, the testosterone levels just kicked up another thousand notches. What the hell is their problem?

“Hey, both of you. How about you convert this hostility into something you can use in the water?” Cas tries to divert their attention. Both are still locked in a glaring match. With a sigh, Cas places a hand on Dean’s thigh, squeezing a little. He tries his best to keep his expression neutral, when inside he’s swooning just a little. _I am touching Dean Winchester’s unclothed thigh!_ “Come for a walk?” Cas pleads, looking at Dean. Dean’s eyes flick between the hand on his thigh and Cas’ eyes. He nods once.

The pair barely make it two steps down the bleachers when Balthazar calls out, “Try not to fuck in the toilets, little kids have to use them.” Hurt spikes Castiel and he slumps down, keeping his eyes downcast. Dean spins around, with a curse.

“That fucking…” he storms over to Balthazar, who’s now standing, and gets in his face. Cas gasps, hurrying back. “What the fuck is your problem?” Dean demands.

“My problem is you. It’s your fault my best friend is fucking pregnant. It’s _your_ fault you fucking asshole,” Balthazar shoves Dean. Dean braces himself, not fighting back, but definitely not backing down.

Panicked, Castiel tries to pull Balthazar away, “Balthazar, stop, come on! Please. Come with me,” he pleads, but Balthazar just shoves him off, roughly. Off balance, Cas stumbles, his foot caught in the cords of Balthazar’s backpack. With a yelp, Cas falls. Tumbling down, his legs connect with the wooden grandstand, his hands and arms bracing his fall. Still his back and head knock against the hard wooden bench. Closing his eyes, Castiel tries to keep his tears of shock at bay. His heart still thunders in his chest. The fall didn't hurt exactly, so much as scare the ever loving shit out of him. 

People crowd around him, offering help and whispering shocked acclamations. Someone helps to untangle his ankles and another helps him to sit. Once it’s determined that he’s OK, they back off. Dean and Balthazar remain, looking contrite and guilty. They both start speaking at once and Cas holds a hand up to shush them. “Please just stop fighting. I want you both to get along,” he mutters, looking at neither of them, but rather at his hands in his lap, which are still shaking from the scare of falling. He flattens them over his bump. _You OK, little one?_ He silently talks to his baby.

“Cas I’m so sorry,” Balthazar apologises, sitting at his side. He places a hand on Cas’ shoulder.

“I know.” He rests his head against Balthazar’s shoulder and he pulls Cas into a hug. Dean clears his throat and mumbles something about getting back to his family. He leaves and Cas sighs wearily. “Can you at least make an effort to not be a total dick to him?” he asks Balthazar, pulling back. Balthazar shrugs and Cas lightly slaps the side of his face, smirking.

***

Cas cheers loudly, watching Balthazar and Dean swim. In Balthazar’s three races he comes in at fourth for freestyle, second at breaststroke and first in butterfly. In each, he and Dean had been against each other and Cas knows that Balthazar won’t be all too happy that Dean beat him in the freestyle and breaststroke in which he came first in both races. Castiel has a grin from ear to ear when a sopping wet Balthazar makes his way back to him after the races. The only race remaining is his and Dean’s relay.

Castiel sits with his chin propped up on his hands, elbows pillowed by his knees. Dean and Balthazar are standing next to each other down in their lane. Two other boys are at the far end. Each has to swim 50 metres making 200 all up. Dean steps onto the diving block first, bending over he grabs onto the hard plastic of the block, ready to dive. The gun goes off and he dives into the water. Castiel cheers loudly watching as he makes his way down the pool. He probably gets a little _too_ into the cheering because he doesn’t even hear Dean’s brother sit down next to him until Dean gets out of the water and the next swimmer is almost halfway back to Balthazar.

“Hey,” the boy says and Castiel startles, looking over at him.

“Hello.”

“I’m Sam. Dean’s brother.”

“Oh, hello Sam,” Cas replies, smiling at the younger Winchester.

“I saw your fall, so did mom. She got so mad at Dean for being the reason why you fell,” he says airily. Cas gapes. “Dean told me about your…” he gestures to Castiel’s stomach.

“Oh. Do your parents know?” Cas asks quietly, looking over Sam’s shoulder to where Dean’s parents sit. He’s not going to say anything if Sam doesn’t already know. Mary Winchester is an English teacher at their high school. When Cas scheduled the meeting with the principal about his pregnancy, inevitably all the staff members were informed. Mary being one of them. Of course, its none of their business who the father is. The principal was sceptical about Cas completing the school year. It was clear that they were not going to do anything to help or hinder his learning whilst being pregnant. Well, that was all Cas could really ask for.

“Not that I know of. Dean wants you to be there when he does tell them.”

“Oh. He hasn’t said anything to me about that,” Cas frowns.

“That’s because he’s too chicken. I think he likes you. He always talks about you and he’s really sorry that you’re pregnant,” Sam discloses.

“I don’t think you should be telling me about this, Sam. It’s private.” Even though this information is very enlightening.

“OK. Well, just don’t tell anyone then,” Sam shrugs. He stands. “I’ve gotta get back to mom before Dean gets back. But just one question, for curiosities sake?”

“OK?”

“Are you and Balthazar… together?” Castiel reels back at the question. Him and Balthazar? Together? No way!

“No. We’re just friends!” Castiel reassures Sam.

“OK good. Because Dean is _really_ jealous of him.” And then Sam is heading back to his parents, leaving Castiel gaping in shock. Is that what Dean really thinks? That he and Balthazar are together? Like a relationship? It’s absurd.

***

Monday rolls around and Cas is still in shock. How could Dean think that he and Balthazar are together? Do other people think that he and Balthazar are together? Getting ready for school, Castiel ignores Michael and makes sure to slam the door on his way out.

Balthazar is in a chipper mood. Going home with trophies on Saturday made him happy and he’s been in a good mood ever since. “Hey Cas, how are you? The morning sickness subsiding?”

“Yes it’s mostly gone. But my tailbone is killing me,” Cas complains, waddling a little to keep up with Balthazar. Noticing Cas’ discomfort, he slows down and they walk side by side.

“Is that normal? Should you go see Jody?” Balthazar worries, turning to Cas. He waves Balthazar away.

“Yes it’s normal. I just have to get over it. Speaking of Jody. I’ve got my ultrasound next week so that will be interesting,” Cas pats his bump. It’s protruding quite a bit now, being halfway through his second trimester. Castiel thanks his lucky stars that the majority of his wardrobe consists of baggy tee shirts and oversized sweaters or else he’d have to spend even more money on maternity clothing. He’s not stupid enough to think that he wont need them later on, but for now, his clothes still fit with minimal stretching. He makes a note to himself to go pick up some stuff for he and the baby.

“Yes that will be. Do you want me to join you?” Balthazar asks.

“No I think I’ll be OK, alone,” Cas replies trying to ignore the way Balthazar’s face falls at the rejection. “But I would be grateful if you’d come with me later to buy some baby stuff and maternity clothes. The button of these jeans was hell to do up this morning,” Cas laughs. Balthazar chuckles.

“Alright.”

They walk in silence. Its only when they’re just around the corner from the school when Castiel remembers the conversation he had with Sam Winchester. He places a hand on Balthazar’s arm to get him to slow down. Balthazar stops immediately, looking concerned. “You OK, Cas?”

“Yes. I was just remembering something Sam Winchester said to me.”

“Oh?”

“It was about us actually,” Cas says, still trying to wrap his head around it.

“What about us?” Balthazar sounds wry.

“Apparently he… and Dean thought that we were a couple. That a few people seem to think we’re a couple.” Castiel watches Balthazar for a reaction. Something flickers in Balthazar’s eyes. But before Castiel can really put a name to the emotion it’s gone and Balthazar is laughing loudly. He pats Cas roughly on the back.

“Oh Cas. Jesus Christ.” He walks away, still chuckling to himself. If Castiel weren’t his best friend, he would not know that that whole laughing fit was faked. He enters the school feeling weird. The way Balthazar walked away doesn’t really sit right with him. Does Balthazar have some sort of deeper emotions towards Cas than just mere friendship? He hopes not. He decides not to bring it up again.

***

At lunch, Cas and Balthazar argue over the topic for Cas’ debate. When Charlie found out the details of Castiel’s pregnancy at a meeting, she almost burst into tears. There were quite a few ‘Oh my God Cas this is all my fault!’ screamed. It was a very tense time. Therefore, Charlie wants to do a prolife debate. Balthazar is all for it but Castiel is a little more hesitant.

“You realise how it will look if I have to debate that topic? I’m a pregnant teenager. If I argue that abortion is the way to go, then that will make me look like a hypocrite–,”

“Then they’ll let you argue the other way. Problem solved!” Balthazar throws his hands up in triumph. Cas shakes his head. “Don’t look now,” Balthazar grumbles, dropping his eyes to his food tray. Raising an eyebrow, Cas glances over his shoulder. Dean is picking his way around lunch tables towards them. Cas spins around, throwing a questioning glance at Balthazar. “Don’t ask me. But I’m going to take my leave.” Balthazar picks up his tray and heads for the doors.

“Where’s he going in such a hurry?” Dean asks, setting a bottle of water and brown paper bag on the table before plopping down himself. Cas shrugs. After a moment of somewhat tense silence. Dean says, “Hey, I was wondering... well Sam told me he talked to you and I just… doyouwanttomeetmyparents?” Dean’s sentence finishes in a jumble of words. Cas tilts his head to the side in confusion. Did he hear that correctly? Does Dean want him to meet his parents?

“You want me to meet your parents?” Cas clarifies.

“Yes?” Dean’s voice rises in pitch. Cas attempts to hold back his smirk. Dean’s hands fiddle nervously with the paper bag in front of him.

“OK. I assume we’re going to tell them about the baby.”

Dean nods, looking completely terrified.

***

“This is a stupid idea. Whose idea was this again?” Dean stares at his own house. Castiel sighs. He pats Dean on the shoulder and does his little waddle/walk up to the front door. “Whoa, whoa, whoa hang on a second. Are you sure you’re going to do this?” Dean hurries to Cas’ side.

“Of course. You’re parents are expecting us, yes?” Cas turns to Dean, raising an eyebrow.

“Well yeah,” Dean replies.

“Then we mustn’t keep them waiting.”

Dean invited Cas to dinner that night. He and Dean plan to tell Mary and John the news. Dean has reassured him that everything should be OK although he’s hesitant as to what his father’s reaction will be. Cas thinks that John Winchester’s reaction can’t be as bad as Michael’s.

***

“Mr and Mrs Winchester, I’m pregnant,” Cas blurts. They’d been eating quietly before Castiel’s announcement. Silence answers him. Dean looks like he’s about to have a coronary.

“You’re pregnant!?” John’s face takes on a slight reddish tinge. The blood rushes from Cas’ face. _Oh boy._ “You’re joking?”

“Um… no,” Cas murmurs.

“Well this is obviously not something we expected when you asked to invite Castiel to dinner, Dean,” Mary says calmly, placing a hand over John’s. She looks just as nervous as to what John’s going to do with this new piece of information. Sam chews his food silently, looking between his father and elder brother, worriedly.

“I can’t believe this,” John pushes away from the table, the legs of his chair screeching loudly against the tiled floor. Castiel flinches at the sound. John stalks from the room into the kitchen, Mary gives Cas and Dean an apologetic smile and follows after her husband. Their muffled voices barely filter into the dining room. “No Mary I will not _calm down_! How can anyone be calm in this situation! That… that… _slut_ is going to ruin my son’s life!” John yells that last part. He appears in the doorway looking absolutely livid.

Cas stands from the table, backing away towards the door. “I’m sorry. I’ll go,” Cas whispers, tears building up in his eyes. The only thing he wants to do right now is get the hell out of there. Dean stands as well, positioning himself between Cas and his father. He looks just as enraged as John.

“He’s not a slut,” Dean growls, glaring at John.

“What did you just say?” John spits, stalking up to Dean.

“I said he’s _not_ a slut,” Dean repeats not backing down. Cas tugs on Dean’s arm, a tear tracking down his cheek, his heart is thumping away in his chest. He feels sick. He needs to leave. This is so bad. Very bad.

“John. Stop!” Mary yells stomping into the room. “You need to calm down! Sam please go to your room,” she addresses her younger son. Sam silently escapes the room, throwing a concerned look at Cas and his brother.

“How can I calm down? We’re going to need to provide for this fucking kid because they were too stupid to use a fucking condom!” he bellows, spit flying into Dean’s face, he’s standing that close. Dean doesn’t even flinch.

“Who said you’re going to have to provide for _my_ kid?” Dean questions. “I can do it. I’m not incompetent! And neither is Cas.”

“Oh please! You’re a child!”

“I’m eighteen!”

“Enough! Please, I’m sorry. I’ll just leave. I promise I won’t bother you again,” Cas pleads, he backs away from the Winchesters, his back colliding with the wall before he stumbles over to the door. He barely remembers to grab his coat. Stumbling out into the night Cas can feel the sobs building up in his chest. He can still here the Winchesters shouting. Hot tears fall down his cheeks, he swipes them away and keeps walking.

“Cas! Wait!” he hears Dean call out. He can hear Dean’s rapid footfalls. He doesn’t stop. “Cas!” Dean grabs hold of his arm, pulling him to a stop. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry,” He pulls Cas to his chest holding him as he sobs.

When Cas calms down somewhat, Dean pulls back; he wipes away a few stray tears. “Sorry about that. Hormones and all that,” Cas murmurs his voice hoarse.

“Don’t apologise. It’s not your fault. We’re both in this shitty situation together. I promise,” Dean says sincerely, giving Cas’ hands a squeeze. Cas shoots him a watery smile. “Wanna walk?”

They keep to the pavement, no real destination in mind. They walk close enough that their hands brush every now and again. It’s nice. It’s different to walking with Balthazar. With Balthazar there’s always the need to fill the silence with meaningless conversation. But with Dean, the silence is nice. Refreshing.

They reach the park and Cas is grateful, they find a bench and he sinks down letting out a contented sigh. His feet have begun to swell which can get pretty painful. Tilting his head back, Cas gazes at the stars. They twinkle down at him. Dean sits just close enough that their knees brush. Cas can feel Dean watching him. But he says nothing.

“So…” Dean begins. He clears his throat and Cas lets him take all the time he needs to form the right words. “How is everything going with the baby and all?” Cas turns to Dean, smiling softly.

“Great. Jody tells me that the little fella’s developed enough to be able to move around and change positions. Cas lets a hand rest on his bump, fondness swelling up inside him. “Soon I’m going to be able to feel him moving,” he says softly, talking more to his stomach than to Dean. He looks up to find Dean looking at him with something that could be described as affection. Cas looks away blushing.

“Have you though about what’s going to happen after the baby’s born?” Dean asks.

“What, like college?” Cas tries not to sound accusatory. Dean shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “I think it’s a bit late to be thinking about college. It’s not like I can juggle raising a child, a job and classes. I’m not superman,” Cas sighs. He knows he sounds bitter. It’s hard not to. He had dreams. Like Balthazar said. He wanted to go to college. Doing what, he isn’t sure. But he knew he wanted to go. But well. He isn’t superman.

“I’d help you,” Dean says quietly, looking down at his hands.

“What? Are you saying you’d really stick around and help raise our child?” Cas asks incredulously. Dean shrugs.

“Maybe. This is my problem too. I’m not going to leave you with all the responsibility.” Dean says this now. But there are still a few months before the baby actually comes into the world. Somehow they both know that they’ll probably go their separate ways and that’ll be it; Dean paying child support and Cas caring for their child.

***

_20 Weeks_

Castiel watches Dean interacting with his group of friends. Balthazar stands beside him, sneering. “Go on Cassy, go up to him and ask him.” Cas glares at Balthazar. He is not helping.

“Shut up,” Cas hisses, he tries to blend in with the lockers, digging around inside his for a book he doesn’t need. Balthazar leans carelessly against the locker beside Cas’. He digs at the dirt under his fingernails while Cas silently freaks out.

“He’s about to leave. Better go now,” Balthazar says idly.

“Shit.”

“Yeah that about sums it up.”

Slamming his locker shut, Cas rearranges the books in his arms. He looks at Balthazar who gives him a thumbs up. He shuffles over to Dean and his friends. He stands awkwardly behind Jo Harvelle, not daring interrupt their conversation. It takes almost a minute for anyone to notice him.

“Um… who’re you?” Adam Milligan asks him, looking judgmentally at his bulging stomach before glaring straight at him.

“Er Dean can I speak with you for a moment?” he whispers timidly. He looks up to find Dean glaring at Adam.

“Sure Cas,” he makes sure to knock Adam into the lockers as he breaks out of his posse.

“What the hell man?” Adam throws his hands up.

“What’s up, buddy?” Dean asks ignoring Adam. They walk until they’re out of earshot.

“Um would you… consider… coming to my ultrasound on Thursday afternoon?” Cas asks hopefully. He’s been looking forward to the ultrasound for weeks now.

“Oh,” Dean looks around, awkwardly. “I… can’t. I’ve got swim practice. Sorry Cas,” he looks away, scratching the back of his neck. Cas’ face falls. It feels like his gut’s just be dropped through his feet. The feeling when you’re on a rollercoaster that’s just rolled over the steepest incline and has begun plummeting down.

“That’s fine. I get it. Sorry,” Cas turns away. He hurries down the hall. He clenches his jaw to keep the tears at bay.

“Cas!” Dean calls after him, but does not follow. He hears Balthazar following him, feels a comforting hand on his back. Cas knows he’s lying but he doesn’t blame Dean. Getting that little black and white sonogram makes it seem more real. It’s actual proof that there’s a life growing inside him. That thought is scary enough.

***

“This will be cold. I’m giving you warning now,” Jody tells him before smearing clear coloured goo across Castiel’s stomach. He flinches violently. _Jesus Christ!_ _She was not kidding about it being cold._ “Told you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Castiel watches as Jody grabs the wand and sets to work. She looks intently at the screen. Cas can’t really see anything other than darkness and squiggly lines and smudges. After a while Jody begins to smile.

“First of all, so I don’t ruin the surprise. Do you want to know the sex?” Jody looks at him expectantly.

“Um, no. Let’s keep it a surprise,” Cas smiles.

“OK then. Well, see this here…” Jody points to a large smudge. Cas nods. “Well this is the head, there’s the body, see it’s little feet?” Cas feels tears of joy welling in his eyes. That’s his baby.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been crying a lot lately. I’m a little overwhelmed,” Cas explains wiping away his tears. Jody reaches behind her to retrieve the tissue box from her desk. She offers Castiel one.

“Don’t worry. It looks like everything is normal. Your baby is healthy and looking good. Heartbeat is normal, the amount of amitotic fluid is normal, seems like everything is normal. Judging by the size you seem right on track about twenty weeks.” Jody walks over to her little desk, she checks a few notes. “I’m going to say that the due date will be around July 28th.”

“OK. OK. Oh my God,” Cas threads his fingers through his hair still looking at the screen. Wow this is really happening.

“I’ll just print you out the sonogram if you want to show anybody your little one,” Jody hits so buttons and leaves the room briefly to pick up the image. She re-enters the room a smile on her face, “Let me clean you up,” she says handing him the image. Cas looks at the black and white picture. Now that Jody’s pointed out exactly what’s what. He can see the baby clearly. Jody wipes off the gunk and he sits up, pulling down his shirts. They stretch a little over his belly, reminding him that he and Balthazar need to go shopping.

“Thank you so much, Jody. You’ve been the biggest help. I don’t know what I would be doing if I didn’t have you,” Cas looks at the older woman with tears in his eyes.

“Don’t sweat it. You take care of yourself.”

Castiel walks out of the clinic without once taking his eyes from the image of his unborn baby.


	6. Bumble Bee Beanies and Bassinets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!

_24 Weeks_

The men’s room of a public high school isn’t the type of place Castiel really enjoys spending time. The toilets are unsanitary. The floors dirty. The toilet stalls graphitised.  Need he go on? But when one is pregnant and it feels like the baby is constantly sitting on your bladder, you tend to spend quite a bit of time leaning over a urinal. Cas finds himself swaying from foot to foot while his second period History teacher scribbles out a hall pass. This would be the third time this morning that he has to take a piss. It’s ridiculous.

He hurries towards the bathrooms, one hand on his belly. The only person in the bathroom; a boy with thick black kohl ringing his eyes and a scaffold piercing gives him a once over as Cas pushes open the door. _Seriously! Jody says you’re supposed to be in perpetual motion. Get off my bladder!_ Cas grumbles silently as he relieves himself.

“What was that?” the guy asks, his voice surprisingly deep. He’s been leaning against a closed stall taking a smoke, blowing rings into the air. Cas turns slightly, zipping up.

“Excuse me?” Cas asks, confused.

“You mumbled something,” the guy replies, raising an eyebrow. Cas blushes. Apparently he hadn’t just talked to his baby silently.

“Oh I was talking to the baby,” Cas murmurs, avoiding the guy’s eyes. He hears an amused snort as he leaves.

“Tell it I said ‘hi’!” the boy shouts after him. Cas breathes an embarrassed sigh as he hobbles back to History.

***

Cas dreads the sound of the bell. Generally, that sounds signals freedom. Not for Cas. Pushing your way through a crowded hall is hard enough; let alone doing it with a stomach the size of a small basketball. If anyone didn’t know of Castiel’s pregnancy, they bloody well do now. The staring is something that Cas really isn’t used to. Constantly having eyes on his back, his stomach, his hips, judging him. It’s horrible.

“Oh, Cas your discomfort is killing me,” Balthazar says dramatically.

“Well it’s not like I can just get them to stop now can I?” Cas hisses, shouldering his way past a group of cheerleaders.

“Watch it, slut,” one of them --a bottle blonde-- bitches. Cas ignores her comment. Balthazar does not. Immediately, he’s stopping and grumbling under his breath, turns towards her.

“Balthazar. Balthazar, stop. Let it go,” Cas grabs his arm, pulling him away from the evilly grinning girls.

“But Cassy! You heard what she called you. Are you just going to let her get away with it?” Balthazar whines, glaring at the girls over his shoulder. Cas doesn’t comment. He just pulls Balthazar further down the hall. As much as he’d like to say something. What would he say? As far as they know, he is a slut. He’s pregnant. That’s proof enough for them. There’s no point. He might as well, ignore their jabs and prepare for his child. He's never going to have to associate with them ever again.

“Hey Balthazar, want to come baby shopping with me this afternoon?” Cas changes the subject. Balthazar positively lights up at the suggestion.

“Oh yes! I can finally get you some bigger clothes. I don’t know about you, but it’s just painful looking at you wearing those stretched shirts. Does your jacket even zip up over that bulge?” Balthazar questions, raising his eyebrows. Cas rolls his eyes, but doesn’t answer. He knows his jacket does not.

***

“What about this one?” Balthazar holds up a god-awful onesie. It’s a mustard colour with black booties. Cas screws his nose up.

“I thought we had a deal. You picked clothes for me and I’ll pick clothes for my baby,” Cas turns his back on his friend and continues poring over cute beanies.

“You only let me get three shirts and a pair of sweats,” Balthazar groans, putting back the onesie.

“Do you think money just grows on trees?” Cas asks. Balthazar mumbles something unintelligible. Cas chooses to ignore him in favour of picking out a hat. There is a wide range of knitted beanies in the bin Cas is digging through. Bright fuchsia, poo-brown, black and even rainbow hats surround him. Some are characters such as Winnie-the-Pooh and Mickey Mouse and others are just animals in general. Cas can feel a smile stretching the corners of his mouth when he spies a little bee beanie. It’s black with little antennae and a bright yellow flower. His hands trail over the beanie, feeling the soft wool under his fingertips.

“How much is it?” Balthazar asks gruffly, coming up behind him. Cas jumps, retracting his hand. He turns away.

“Too much for a hat,” he sighs, moving along. Glumness settles over him as he picks out a few plain coloured onesies: yellow, blue and pink. Cas has decided to buy things of both colours. He doesn’t mind if his little boy has to end up wearing pink clothes or vice versa.

Leaving the clothing, Cas fingers through a pile of fleece blankets, pulling out a check jade coloured blanket he adds it to his rapidly filling basket.  He does some quick maths; fifteen each for the onesies, twenty-two for the blanket. Which gives a total of sixty-seven. And that's not counting the clothes for himself.  _Shit. That’s a lot._ Cas stares at the bassinet. The price tag blares a bright $28.55. _How the hell am I going to afford all this?_ He turns away, feeling emotion prickling in the back of his throat. Cas comes face to face with Balthazar; he frowns at Cas before pulling him into a hug.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine,” he consoles.

“How am I supposed to provide for a child, Balthazar? I can’t afford _anything_!” he despairs. Balthazar rubs his back.

“Here,” Balthazar pulls back offering Cas a few notes. Cas shakes his head. He’s already spent the money Gabriel gave him on diapers; he can’t spend Balthazar’s too. “Take it, Cassy. It’s a gift.” Sighing, Cas takes the money: $62.

“Thank you, Balthazar. I’ll pay you back!” Cas insists. Balthazar smirks, walking towards the cashier. Pulling out his wallet, Cas counts up the money; with Balthazar’s contribution he’s got enough for the clothes Balthazar picked, the blanket, the bassinet and two of the onesies. Throwing the yellow onesie on a pile of clothes, he follows Balthazar.

***

Michael looks reproachfully at Cas and Balthazar as they head through the living room and into Cas’ room. Balthazar places the box containing the bassinet down near the jumbo box of diapers. He refused to let Cas carry it in. Castiel folds the blanket and onesies and places them gently onto his bed before sitting down heavily onto the mattress. Balthazar follows, lying down flat on his back. He throws a plastic bag at Cas. It hits him in the chest. “What’s this?” Cas opens the bag. Inside is the bumble bee beanie. “Oh.” He can already feel tears pricking at his eyes. He looks at Balthazar whose eyes are closed. He looks back at the little hat in his hands. “Thank you, Balthazar,” he whispers, holding the hat close to his chest.

“Don’t worry about it, Cassy,” Balthazar replies after a moment. “Now, lets try figure out how to build a bassinet, shall we?”

“Good luck,” Cas mutters, looking at the offending box. If it’s anything like Ikea furniture they are going to be in for a fun time.

Balthazar cuts open the box with a pair of scissors from Cas’ desk. He pulls out the instructions, eyes scanning the multitude of languages for English. “I can’t see English. This is going well,” he mutters handing the piece of paper to Cas.

“Lucky I’m fluent in French,” he replies.

“Oh thank God,” Balthazar answers sarcastically. Cas rolls his eyes, watching as his friend pulls out different lengths of wood and a crap tonne of laciest fabric. “You had to get the frilliest one didn’t you?” Balthazar raises an eyebrow, throwing the white lacy material into the air. Cas chuckles.

“You have to use two B screws to connect the long pieces of wood to one of the big sections,” Cas advises, waving the instructions at Balthazar.

“You know how much sense you make right now?” Balthazar cries, picking up the little bag containing the screws and hex wrenches.

“Probably not a lot. Here let me do it,” Cas slides off the bed, prying the bag from Balthazar’s hands and gets to work assembling the bassinet.

***

Two hours later Balthazar looks like he wants to throw the bassinet out the window and Cas wants to throw Balthazar out the window. Stubborn fool won’t let Castiel help. Now both of them are frustrated beyond belief and they’ve barely gotten past step three.

A tentative knock comes when Balthazar has snapped at Castiel for the fifth time because “ARE YOU FUCKING READING THE ENGLISH OR FRENCH INSTRUCTIONS? BECAUSE I CANNOT UNDERSTAND A FUCKING WORD YOU ARE SAYING!”

Michael pushes open the door, looking at Balthazar sitting on the floor surrounded by bassinet pieces. “Need any help?” he asks.

“Not from you, asshole,” Balthazar snips, holding up one of the main pieces of wood with his feet while he screws another piece to it.

“Balthazar!” Cas chastises. Balthazar ignores him and continues to glare at Michael. “Yes, please,” Cas smiles at his brother. Cas figures that while Michael may be a douche; he wouldn’t do anything to physically harm him or the baby. Plus, he has been raising him for seventeen years. He's going to cut his brother some slack... this time.

“OK,” Michael steps into the room and picking up a hex wrench, gets to work assembling the bassinet under both Castiel’s and Balthazar’s scrutiny.

The bassinet comes together without a hitch. Balthazar grumbles, but Cas thinks he’s secretly grateful that he didn’t have to build the darn thing on his own.

***

Cas really regrets informing his baby that it’s supposed to be moving. His English teacher surprised the class with a pop quiz. And when he says ‘surprise’ he means the weekly quiz given to ‘keep you students on your toes!’. Cas flinches when the baby delivers a swift kick to his ribs. _Stop. Moving._ He warns the baby, a hand firm on his stomach. He goes back to reading the question: _Please circle the appropriate root in regards to the—_ kick— _given words. Tract: a) Build b) Pull—_ kick _—c) Roll d) Move_

 _For the love of God! Stop moving. Stop moving Stop—_ kick— _moving._ Cas chants. He feels like ripping his hair out. For Gods sake if the baby kicks one more time during this pop quiz Cas is going to kill someone. He glances around the classroom. Nobody seems to notice. He goes back to the quiz.

“Five minutes left,” the teacher announces. _Shit._ Cas checks the question number. He’s up to four. There are twenty questions. _Screw it._ Cas circles random letters, the hand resting on his belly tightening in his frustration. “Time. Put down your pencils.” _Fuck._

Class goes smoothly. They’ve been tasked to work from their textbooks as the teacher grades the quizzes. Cas prays some of the answers he circled at random were correct. He’s got a one in four chance. 25%. Please God.

The bell rings and Cas sets to packing away his belongings. “Mr Novak, may I see you before you leave?” his teacher calls. Swallowing, Cas nods and heads over to the desk at the front of the room. “You only got five correct. This is out of character, Castiel", his teacher hands over the test, his eyes shine with disappointment. Cas grabs the test, briefly looking over it. “Do you have any explanation for this?”

“Yeah,” Cas looks up. The teacher looks taken aback at Cas’ bluntness. “The baby was kicking the crap out of me and I couldn’t concentrate. I know that’s no excuse, but it’s the truth.” Cas tucks the test into his notebook.

“I’m… sorry to hear that. But you are right, that is no excuse. I’m not going to punish you because I know there are other students who did even more poorly than you and will lie when asked for an excuse. You may go.” Cas nods and exits the classroom. He sighs. _Seriously, you’re still now?!_

“Hey Cas,” Cas almost drops his books. He spins around. Dean is standing by the door to the classroom.

“Dean. Hi,” Cas stutters, pausing in the middle of the hall.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t go with you to the ultrasound. I was an idiot. Feel free to slap me.” He holds his arms wide; tilting his head to the side he closes his eyes. “Have at it,” he says. Cas shakes his head, amused.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says softly, forgiving Dean. Dean could rip out his lungs and somehow he'd find it in himself to forgive him. 

“Where’re you headed?” Dean pushes away from the wall, digging his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans. Cas most certainly does not notice the way those jeans cling to Dean’s thighs and crotch as he moves.

“My locker, lunch then AP Math and Chemistry. What have you got?” Cas tries to keep the conversation up as Dean falls into step with him.

“PE then English.” Dean scans the halls as they walk. Cas can’t help but notice that it's as if he’s looking for someone.

“Are you looking for someone?” he asks. Dean’s eyes snap to his, a charming smile on his face. Cas melts at the sight.

“Me? No. I’m just chilling with you. I was going to walk you to your locker and then to class after... Is that OK?” Dean replies, bumping his shoulder against Castiel’s.

“Yes—,” he breaks off when the baby shifts position a hand or foot brushing across Cas’ belly. He jumps slightly. He hasn’t really gotten used to the feeling of the baby moving around just yet. Especially soft movement’s like that.

“Whoa, you OK Cas?” Dean grabs onto Cas’ arms, facing him. Cas looks up a smile in place.

“The baby moved when you talked,” Cas confesses. Dean’s mouth pops open. Cas smiles wider.

“Well… OK,” Dean splutters, looking a little pleased. Cas laughs a little.

“Come on, I want my daily dose of orange and mango juice from the cafeteria,” Cas drags Dean towards said room.


	7. Sleep? Meh Who Needs It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw content in his chapter, just sayin'

_26 Weeks_

Sleep. It seems to be something that Castiel is getting very little of these days. As expected it takes a little bit of tossing and turning to find a position that is both comfortable and practical. The last thing Cas needs is to wake up with a crick in his neck or a giant knot in his back.

It’s not easy when one has a stomach the size of a watermelon and one wrong move results in a kick to the ribs. Castiel’s found that the baby definitely knows what it wants and exactly how to get it. And if this is how its acting now, how is it going to act when it’s born?

With a groan, Cas rolls over. He’s been tossing and turning for what feels like hours. Glancing at the clock on his nightstand, Cas feels like ripping his hair out. It’s 2:55. He has an exam in the morning! Getting up, Cas waddles out of his room, tugging his shirt over his belly. Balthazar raided Goodwill for some giant shirts. Apparently seeing Castiel with skintight shirts on was “just killing” him. Entering the kitchen Cas gets to work brewing some tea. He mentioned the insomnia to Jody and she said tea helps. He prays she’s right.

While stirring the brown liquid in his mug Castiel mutters, “Only four weeks left. Four weeks until graduation. Four weeks.” Placing the spoon in the sink, he turns, bringing the mug to his lips. The shadow of a figure stands in the hallway, just out of reach from the small light Cas had turned on. He jumps, spilling the scalding liquid over his hands. “Ah shit,” he curses. Michael steps into the kitchen looking rumpled from sleep.

“What are you doing awake? Don’t you have a test in the morning?” Michael demands, keeping his voice low even though the only two people in the apartment are they.

“I didn’t think you cared. You haven’t exactly been all that encouraging,” Cas grumbles, running his stinging hands under the tap.

“I do. Care that is.” Cas rolls his eyes.

“Sure.” When Cas turns, Michael is still standing in the kitchen, blocking his exit. “What do you want, Michael?” he asks irritably.

“You know it’s still not too late…”

“We’ve been over this! Screw you, I’m not giving up my child!” Cas hisses angrily. Michael takes a step back, clearly shocked with the amount of outraged anger seeping from Castiel. “I don’t know how many times I have to repeat myself for you to let it sink into your thick head. I want to keep my baby and you can’t stop me.”

“I just want what’s best for you,” Michael whispers, pleading with Castiel. Cas looks at him with disgust.

“Really? And how would you know what’s best for me?”

“I raised you! Of course I know what’s best for you,” Michael replies indignantly.

“Well maybe this is what’s best for me,” Cas murmurs sending Michael one last glare before dumping his mostly full mug of tea down the drain. He pushes past his brother and storms down the hall into his bedroom.

Sleep eventually comes. When the first lights of dawn are blearily breaking the horizon.

***

“It just irritates me. Why can’t he just let it go? I understand that this is a big deal but wouldn’t it be better if I at least had his support?” Cas rants on the way to school with Balthazar. “I know I’m probably not going to be a good parent but I’m going to give it my best shot. I’ll do anything for my baby. I won’t let anything happen to you,” Castiel directs the final part of his rant towards his bump. Which he gives a loving rub.

“How often do you do that?” Balthazar asks, curiously.

“Do what?”

“Talk to the bump,” he clarifies. Cas stops. _Huh._ He’s never thought about it. It kind of just happens.

“I don’t know. Sometimes.”

“I think the more appropriate answer is ‘often’,” Balthazar says wryly. Cas hums in thought, keeping a hand on his bump the rest of the walk.

***

“It’s good that you talk to it. You’re building a relationship with your baby. I’d also suggest getting Dean to talk to the baby too,” Jody says when Cas tells her about his talking to the bump. He was just about to leave, a new sonogram tucked into the back pocket of his sweatpants, when he’d remembered.

“Really?” Cas asks.

“Yes. Just like I said. Relationship building. Even if Dean doesn’t want to have all that much contact with the baby, it’s good for the baby to have some idea of whose its other father.”

Castiel thinks about Jody’s comments on his way home. Would Dean be willing to spend time with him and the baby? Now and/or after it’s born? There’s only one way to find out.

He finds himself waiting for Dean after baseball practise. Summer is just around the bend and Castiel is not sure how he feels about that. Some of the websites he’s ~~stalked~~  visited state that pregnancy in the summer isn’t all that pleasant. He thanks God he’s almost though it.

Dean and the rest of the team exit the field with raucous laughter and the rattle of chain link.  Cas stands awkwardly by Dean’s Impala. Cas figures Dean won’t be outright hostile to him. After all, for some reason he’s begun to walk Castiel to each class and is magically there to retrieve him at each end, even if his own is across the school.

Some of the members of the team give him withering looks, mainly Adam Milligan and Uriel Angelos. Castiel tilts his head down, not meeting their glares. He looks up just in time to see Dean roughly slap Uriel upside the head. He gasps, shocked, but Uriel doesn’t physically retaliate. He shoots Dean a scathing look and says something Castiel can’t hear.

By the time Dean makes it to Cas’ side he’s wearing a black look. Cas isn’t sure whether to split or stay. In the end, Dean makes the decision for him. He mutters a gruff, “Get in.” Castiel hastens to obey.

The car ride is tense. Castiel is unsure how to break the silence. He didn’t really have a plan. He just knows that he has to, somehow, get Dean to spend time with the baby. Talk to it. Interact with it. “Why were you waiting for me, Cas?” Dean asks quietly. Cas lets out a shuddering breath.

“I was talking to my OB/GYN and she said that it’s good for the baby to get a sort of idea about who its parents are,” Cas replies hesitantly, watching Dean from the corner of his eye. Dean looks over, panic in his eyes.

“What are you saying?”

“Do you want to spend the afternoon with me? Just hang out… or something?” Cas wrings his hands, keeping his eyes lowered. His heart is thumping away in his chest and it feels as if his breath is coming short. _Why am I so damn nervous? Get a grip!_ He mentally slaps himself.

“Oh,” Dean says, sounding relieved. “I don’t know what I expected,” Dean laughs a little at himself. “Sure. Where’d you wanna go?”

***

They end up at the park. The same park just down from the Winchester’s house. They sit on the same bench as they did that night. At first neither know what to say. The silence is deafening. Dean clears his throat, twice, before Cas finally works up the nerve to say something. “So how’s the baseball going? I haven’t had the chance or inclination to go to any of the games,” Cas cringes once the sentence leaves his mouth. _Jesus Christ could I sound any more like douche?_ Dean just laughs it off.

“I think we’ve got a pretty good chance of winning. We’ve been doing well. We only lost one game and only by a slim margin. What about you and the debating?” Dean turns in his seat towards Castiel, giving him his full attention.

“Charlie’s busting my balls,” Cas sighs dramatically. “She’s… never mind. Don’t worry. It’s boring you probably don’t care,” Cas turns away, idly rubbing a hand over his belly. He startles when a hand closes over his own. Looking up he finds Dean staring at him. “What?”

“Why do you think I don’t care? I do care. I care about you. I care about our baby. I care!” Dean insists. Cas sighs, turning away. “No, look at me,” Dean demands, giving Cas’ hand a squeeze. “You might think I don’t care. But if I didn’t care, would I be picking up extra shifts at Singers for you? Would I have gone up to the attic with mom and grabbed Sammy’s old capsule for you? I’ve hidden a fuck ton of baby shit under my bed for you, Cas,” Dean confesses, never once breaking eye contact. Castiel can feel his eyes growing watery.

“Dean… I didn’t know… I,” he doesn’t get to say much more than that because Dean is kissing him. Like really kissing him. Cas sags forward eyes fluttering shut, kissing Dean back, his free hand grabbing for Dean’s jersey. Dean splays a hand over Castiel’s cheek, smoothing his thumb over his cheekbone.

Cas moans softly when Dean’s tongue enters his mouth, sliding softly over his bottom lip. Kissing Dean is just like he remembers from that night all those months ago at the party. Except now, without the haze of alcohol he can really appreciate how soft Dean’s lips are and how great it feels, butterflies flip flopping in his stomach.

Pulling back, he looks Dean over from the lust blown pupils to the spit slicked lips. Blushing, he looks away and he hears Dean chuckle. Dean’s hand finds his and with a slightly calloused thumb, he traces over Castiel’s knuckles. “Do you want to check out the stuff I’ve got?” Dean asks quietly. “I’ve got it in the trunk. I was kinda planning on stopping by to drop it off after practice.” Cas smiles and nods. They walk back to Dean’s car hand in hand.

***

“Well you weren’t kidding when you said you had a lot,” Cas comments looking at the now open trunk of Dean’s car. It is full to bursting with bags of baby clothes, the capsule and… is that a stroller? Cas pulls out a bag of clothing, revealing a folded up stroller. _Oh my God._ Cas looks up at Dean with wide eyes. Dropping the bag back into the trunk, he flings himself at Dean, hugging him tightly.

“Hey,” Dean laughs, wrapping his arms around Cas as best as he can.

“Thank you so much,” Cas murmurs against Dean’s chest.

“You’re welcome Cas. Like I keep saying: you don’t have to do this alone. If you need me, just give me a call. I’ll be there for you,” Dean says and if Cas tears up at his sweet words that’s just the hormones.

***

“Is this all you have?” Dean asks staring at the growing pile of baby accessories in Castiel’s room. Holding up a finger, Cas hobbles over to the conjoining bathroom. The baby has decided to sit on his bladder for the whole of the ride back to his place and if he doesn’t take a leak right this second, he’s going to piss himself. Dean nods in understanding and takes a seat on Cas’ bed, eyes scanning the room.

Cas returns to his room to find Dean idly flipping through the dollar baby name book he’d picked up from the newsagent. “Have you chosen a name yet?” Dean asks quietly, not looking up from the names.

“No. I haven’t really given it much thought to be honest,” Cas says, coming to sit beside Dean. Immediately, Dean takes Cas hand and twines their fingers together, letting their joined hands rest over their baby.

“Who the hell would name their kid Kutty? It’s not even a name,” Dean points to the word. Cas shrugs.

“Parents who want their child to have an unusual name I suppose.”

“Do me a favour and don’t name it Kutty,” Dean sneers at the name.

“Is it short for something?” Cas asks, grabbing Dean’s wrist to better see the book.

“Doesn’t say.” Dean’s breath fans out across Cas’ cheek making goose bumps prickle his skin and the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He doesn’t move away. They’re quite for a moment, just looking over the names.

“Logan sounds nice,” Cas muses.

“Mmm,” Dean hums and Cas looks up at him, quirking an eyebrow. “What?” Dean looks taken aback. 

“You don’t like it,” Cas tries not to sound judgemental. But _he’s_ the one popping out the baby, not Dean. Shouldn’t he ultimately have the final say over the name? Cas thinks so.

“I never said that,” Dean replies, sounding amused.

“You never said you did,” Cas shoots back, leaning back to squint at Dean, he pouts a little. He likes the name Logan.

“But I never said I didn’t,” Dean smirks, leaning towards Castiel. His eyes flick between Cas’ eyes and mouth. His tongue pokes out to slightly dampen his lips. “If I kiss you, will you let me or slap me?” Dean asks. Cas doesn’t give him an answer, he pushes forward crushing his lips against Dean’s. This kiss is nothing like the kiss they shared on the park bench. It’s all lust. Cas nips at Dean’s bottom lip, suckling it into his mouth. He sucks and bites Dean’s mouth, drawing a moan from deep in Dean’s chest. Dean’s arms circle his waist; they grip his shirt, drawing it tight against his stomach. Simultaneously, Cas has his fingers in Dean’s hair, letting his fingernails scrape against Dean’s scalp that has Dean shuddering. The baby name book falls to the floor, forgotten.

Cas leans against Dean, moving closer until he’s practically straddling him. It isn’t until Dean’s flat on his back on Castiel’s bed that he finally thinks _fuck it_ and climbs onto Dean. He grinds their hips together. Dean gasps and Cas barely keeps in a pleasured groan as their erections grind over one another.

Dean’s in an awkward position having to strain to kiss Cas when his giant stomach is in the way. With an irritated growl Cas rolls off Dean, lying beside him. Both are short of breath and flushed with arousal. They lie in silence. “Holy shit,” Dean whispers, fingers finding Cas’ again. He holds Castiel’s hand tightly. For some reason he has a thing for handholding. Cas doesn’t mind.

“Yeah,” Cas sighs. The springs creak as Dean sits up. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed he stands. Cas raises himself up on his elbows and watches him, his eyes trailing from the mussed hair, the flushed cheeks and lust blown pupils down to the creased jersey and boner straining his uniform pants. He smirks, knowing Dean was just as affected as he was. He watches as Dean rounds the bed, standing at the end. Cas stares, mesmerised as Dean climbs onto the bed, crawling up the bed he parts Cas’ thighs.

“Dean?” he questions. Dean says nothing, smirking. He lets his hands trail up Castiel’s legs from calf to thigh. Castiel twitches when Dean runs his knuckles over the outline of Cas’ boner. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, he pulls on the drawstring of Cas’ sweatpants. Moving his hands up, Dean runs his fingers along the skin just above the waistband. Castiel sucks in a gasp when Dean tucks his thumbs beneath the elastic and shucks the pants down, pulling off one leg and then the other, leaving him in only is boxers and tee shirt. Crawling closer Dean nuzzles Cas through the material making Cas’ cock twitch, pre come dampening the boxers.

“Come on,” Cas whispers impatiently flopping back against the pillows. Dean chuckles pulling the boxers off. Cas barely has a second before Dean is kissing the head of his dick and sucking it into his mouth. “Holy shit!” he exclaims, shoving his fist to his mouth remembering Michael just down the hall. God that would be awkward if Michael interrupted this.

Dean sucks Castiel’s cock further into his mouth, tongue lapping at the vein on the underside. A hand comes up to gently fondle Cas’ balls drawing out a moan, muffled by his hand. Bobbing his head, Dean alternates between flicking his tongue through Cas’ sensitive slit and under the crown. Cas has a fist in the sheets and his eyes scrunched shut. His breath comes in pants and he is _so close_ to blowing his load. When Dean curls a hand around the base of Castiel’s dick, where he can’t quite fit in his mouth, and starts jacking it in time with his bobs, Cas sees stars, the pleasure spiralling higher and higher until he's holding his breath.

“Dean. Dean. Dean,” he pants, trying to warn him. He can feel himself seconds away from coming. Dean knows this and sucks harder, humming a little, trying to get Cas to come. Urging him on. With a choked cry Cas spills down Dean’s throat. Hot spurts that Dean just swallows like its the best thing he’s ever tasted.

Cas feels like jelly. His head is foggy and he’s practically floating. Dean climbs up the bed, kissing Cas’ unreceptive lips, forcing his tongue between Castiel’s lips which gets his attention. He can taste himself on Dean’s tongue and somehow that makes kissing Dean all that much better. Breaking the kiss Dean gets up again. He heads towards the door. Cas makes a distressed noise and Dean turns back. “Where’re you going?” Cas asks.

“I gotta get home. Mom’s gonna kill me if I miss dinner,” Dean gives him an apologetic look.

“But what about…” Cas looks at the crotch of Dean’s uniform which don’t look as tented as they did ten minutes ago.

“Oh… don’t worry about me Cas,” Dean blushes. “See ya tomorrow.” Dean closes the door. Cas slumps back against the pillows. “Oh and Cas?” Dean pokes his head back in. Cas sits up, looking at him expectantly. “I like Logan.” And then he’s gone; Cas listens to his footsteps retreating down the hall. _Did he… Did Dean really come in his pants? No. He wouldn’t have._ Cas is pulled from his musings by the sound of his phone ringing. Getting up off the bed, he pads over to his desk. The display reads: _Dean_.

“Dean?”

“I know you’re probably wondering. Yes I came in my pants OK. Don’t laugh at me,” Dean grumbles. Cas gasps.

“Oh my God.”

“Shuddup.” Dean hangs up, leaving Cas staring at his phone. _Holy Shit._


	8. Childbirth Classes and Judgemental Bitches

_30 Weeks_

Cas walks into English rubbing his eyes blearily. It was another night of tossing and turning, his baby moving nonstop last night. He barely registers the teacher behind the front desk, expecting it to be Mr Turner. Long blonde hair and bright eyes stop him in his tracks. He looks up, panicked. Mary Winchester smiles politely at him. He gives her a tight smile back. Keeping his head down he shuffles over to his usual desk. He looks between it and his belly. It’s been a stretch getting into the seat but now… now he’s not sure if he’ll even fit. With a sigh, he squeezes in. Sucking in his stomach he fits, just. The desk digs in uncomfortably across his stomach. _Ah shit._ He pulls out his notebook, ignoring his little dilemma. Someone clears their throat from beside him and swallowing hard, he meets Mary’s eyes.

“I’ve dragged my chair to the back of the classroom. Take your stuff and sit at the back. I don’t want to see you like this,” Mary says softly, gesturing to the back. Blushing profusely at the special treatment, he moves as fast as he can to the back of the class. He’s well aware of the students staring at him. Cas thinks that maybe she feels a bit guilty because its half Dean’s fault that he’s in this mess in the first place.

The rest of his classes aren’t so accommodating. Math sees him biting back tears when the teacher outright sneers. History is bearable, the teacher giving him a sympathetic look when he inches into the tight desk, but otherwise says nothing. She acts as if Cas is any other student. Cas thanks God that he’s only got a free period and lunch then he can leave.

The bell rings and Cas waits for the rest of the class to leave before leaving himself. The other students haven’t taken too kindly to being bumped and nudged with his belly. Anyone would think his touch burns from the scathing looks sent his way. He waddles out into the hall, feeling like a duck. He’s not surprised when he spies Dean leaning against the wall by the door. He’s still walking Cas to and from class and he’s taken to braving Balthazar’s snark so he can sit with them at lunch.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks quietly, walking a pace behind Cas.

“Nothing,” Cas mutters darkly. He’s tired of being the biggest eyesore in the school. He just can’t wait to graduate even if that means waddling up onto stage in front of parents, students and staff. He just wants to get his diploma and get the hell out.

“Bullshit. Tell me,” Dean demands, placing a hand on Cas’ elbow. Cas stops, turning to Dean.

“I’m sick of being the butt of everyone’s jokes. I hate it here. I just want to graduate and raise my kid in peace without having to put up with all these people judging me every goddamn day,” Cas growls. Dean frowns, looking at him with pity in his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that!” Cas spits, wrenching his arm from Dean’s grip and stalking away.

“Cas! Wait,” Dean’s sneakers slap against the tiled hall as he catches up with Cas. It isn’t hard. “Stop. Look at me.” He waits, gripping Castiel tightly by the shoulders until Cas, grudgingly, looks up at him. “I’m sorry you feel like this. Just think, ten more days then you’ll be home free. Only ten,” Dean smiles encouragingly.

“I suppose,” Cas admits.

“That’s the spirit! Wanna skip?” Dean begins pulling him towards the doors.

“I’ve got a free period anyway.”

“Good. I feel like a burger.”

***

Cas pauses outside room 281 of the hospital, his school bag slung over his shoulder. The hallway is empty. _Am I even in the right place?_ Cas thinks to himself, eyes scanning the slip of paper Jody gave him. At thirty weeks Jody _strongly_ suggested he attend some childbirth classes. Shrugging he opens the door, sticking his head inside. Several pregnant women and surprising a few men and their partners’ stand around chatting, they all turn to look at Cas sceptically. He opens the door wider and steps inside. One of the pregnant woman’s eyes widen and she turns to another whispering something. Cas blushes, standing by the door.

“Hello! My name is Pamela and I’m the instructor. It’s so great of you to have joined our class,” a young fit looking woman with dark curly hair and a bright smile walks over to Castiel. She holds a hand out for Cas to shake. He does, feeling really fucking awkward.

“Er… hi. I’m Castiel,” he says quietly, watching the other people in the room. He’s only been here five minutes and they’re snickering at him and eyeing him like he’s some delinquent. _This is going to be great,_ Cas thinks sarcastically.

“Don’t worry about them. Some of them think they’ve got the right to sit up on their high horse just because they’re pregnant. They should look around; there are quite a few other people who are pregnant too. They just need to get over themselves,” Pamela winks at him. Cas gives her a tentative smile. “Alright people! Let’s get this show on the road.”

***

Surprisingly, the class isn’t all that bad. Cas learns a _lot._ As it was the first class, Pamela gave a brief overview of what each future class will entail. Some of the things being covered were: the signs of labour, the progression of labour and the inevitable birth, how your partner can help during labour, pain management, when to call your doctor or midwife, the debate about whether home birth or hospitalisation is better, C-section or natural birth and the choice of whether or not to choose an epidural to deal with the pain. To tell the truth, Castiel is kind of scared. The class has really opened his eyes to what he’s in for. It’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows.

Throughout the class, some of the expectant mothers and fathers shot him disapproving and slightly disgusted looks. Cas did his best to ignore them. It’s just like at school: constant staring. Although, Cas was happy to notice, that he wasn’t the only one sitting apart from the group. A young woman; not much older than he, with pale eyes and mousy coloured hair sat at the back, alone. She too was victim to the disapproving and disgusted looks. Cas couldn’t help but empathise with her. Once throughout the class he caught the woman’s eye. He gave a small smile, which she returned, Cas felt like he made an ally amongst the enemies.

Once Pamela wrapped up her presentation she hands around an information pamphlet and was open for questions, the group dispersed somewhat. Cas awkwardly bends to the side, slipping low in his chair to retrieve his bag from the ground. Tucking the pamphlet into a side pocket of his bag he slips out his phone, checking for messages. Unsurprisingly, there are none. He stands and casting his eyes over the group once more, he begins heading towards the door, waddling like a duck. He’s just about to reach for the door handle when someone taps him on the shoulder. Spinning, he comes face to face with his ally.

“Hi, I’m Bela,” she introduces herself, smiling brightly. Cas detects a slightly foreign accent, like Balthazar’s. _British maybe?_ Cas thinks to himself.

“Castiel.”

“It seems like we are the poor victims surrounded by the vultures, Castiel,” Bela says, eyeing a particularly nasty looking woman who openly glared at Cas for the entirety of the class.

“I’m going to have to agree with you there,” Cas chuckles, stepping away from the door to let a couple pass.

“So, I feel that we have been singled out because of our age. I’m nineteen. You can’t be much younger than me,” Bela says conversationally.

“I’m eighteen. If you don’t mind be asking, how far along are you?” Castiel asks with a nod towards Bela’s sizable bump. She rests a hand over it protectively.

“I’ll be seven months on Saturday. You?” She smiles up at Castiel.

“Seven months and two weeks. Thirty in total.”

“Do you know the sex? I decided to wait and see. I figure it’s just going to be us two so I might as well let it be a little surprise to myself,” Bela says a little bitterly.

“I’m sorry to hear that, about you being alone. I don’t know the sex either. I want it to be a surprise,” Cas tells her, swivelling his hips a little to relieve some of the strain on his lower back. His tailbone has been aching up a storm and it seems that the constant movement is the only way to stop it. Bela gives him an empathetic look so he assumes that she’s suffered the same pains.

“So,” Bela narrows her eyes playfully. “You gotta big strong man back home that didn’t want to be caught dead at a childbirth class?” Bela grins. Cas blushes and ducks his head. “You do! What’s his name? Come on! Don’t leave me hanging.”

“His name’s Dean.”

“Is he older?”

“No. He’s in my grade. We’re seniors. He’s been helping out a lot. He gave me his brother’s old baby clothes and a stroller. He’s… yeah,” Cas feels himself swooning a little. He can’t help it! Dean’s been great, supportive and kind to him.

“He sounds like a dream,” Bela says, dreamily. Cas chuckles at that. It’s very true. “Hey, I gotta split but we should maybe hang out sometime. I have to pick up a few things for the little one, you wanna join?”

They exchange numbers and Cas leaves the class feeling elated. He knows there are going to be a lot of people like the nasty glaring woman, but there are also going to be people like Bela. They’re the people who will make his new life with his baby bearable. Whether Dean’s in it or not is another story.

***

It’s Wednesday. Which means a full day of classes plus a debate meeting after school. Wednesday’s are not Cas’ most preferable day of the week. Also the gnawing _need_ to have seaweed crackers has been irritating him all week. It doesn’t help that he has no idea where he’s going to get them.

Castiel barely makes it through his first two periods, for some reason the baby decided that it wanted to change positions. Which then ended with constant movement for the majority of the class. Castiel couldn’t have concentrated if someone paid him to.

At lunch he stirs his juice (that Dean’s begun to buy him almost on instinct) manically. Dean and Balthazar shoot him worried looks. He tries not to be in a bad mood but it’s difficult. The pain in his tailbone paired with the minimal sleep and the long day ahead don’t make for a happy Castiel.

“You OK?” Dean asks after a good five minutes of tense silence. He slips his hand into Castiel’s gripping tightly. Cas sighs.

“Yes. I’m fine,” he answers glumly.

“You sure about that, Cassy?” Balthazar asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah. It’s just the constant pain in my tailbone and lower back and the insomnia and my swelling feet and the lack of coffee that’s getting to me,” he says monotonously. Dean winces in sympathy.

“You want me to give you a backrub?” he offers, resting his cheek on Cas' shoulder and flutters his eyelashes. Cas smirks at that. He can just imagine the stares and gossip now. _Dean Winchester rubbing Castiel’s poor pregnant back._

“It’s fine. Hey Balthazar, do you know where I might find seaweed crackers?” he abruptly changes the subject. Balthazar gives him an amused smirk.

“Craving them?”

"Yes and it’s killing me. I _need_ them,” he pouts, earning a laugh from Dean. Whose hand had been gradually sneaking across Cas’ hip to his lower back. Castiel lets him knead his thumb into the slightly doughy flesh there. He has to admit it does feel good.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Balthazar promises. “For now, I’m going to get the hell out of here. You two lovebirds are making me sick,” he dramatically gags, picking up his tray and walking away. Castiel rolls his eyes.

“Now that he’s gone will you let me rub your back?” Dean whispers against Cas’ neck. He slides closer nuzzling the skin just below Castiel’s ear. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Mmm, OK,” Cas murmurs, basking in the feel of Dean’s lips against the delicate skin behind his ear.

“Hell yeah,” Dean whispers in triumph. He moves back, trying to manoeuvre Castiel so he can rub his back. He rubs little circles on either side of Cas’ tailbone. After a moment the pain starts to ebb and Cas gives an embarrassing moan of pleasure. Dean’s thumbs are working magic against his back. “You like that?” Dean comments, leaning in to drop a kiss to the back of his neck just above the collar of his shirt.

“Have you lived with chronic back pain for the last seven months? It’s not pleasant,” Cas grouches, leaning into Dean’s touch. Dean chuckles.

“OK, OK you win.”

The bell ringing rudely interrupts the best back rub of Castiel’s life.

***

Cas gets home to a note left on the kitchen table.

_I won’t be home tonight. Something came up.  
-Michael_

Cas balls the paper up and throws it in the bin. It’s not like his brother was really _there_ now anyway. He’s been even more distant than usual. Leaving before Cas wakes in the morning and coming home late in the afternoons. Cas doesn’t really care. He knows he’s going to have to leave soon. Maybe it’s better for everyone if they pretend the other doesn’t exist.

Cas throws his school bag on his desk and falls into bed. He lets his eyes fall shut, the blessed quite enveloping him. He lasts for a good two seconds before he’s up again. Restless. He paces back a forth, flipping his phone over and over in his hand. What he wants to do is call Dean. Hell he’d even call Balthazar right now. He just doesn’t want to be alone.

He dials the number, holding the phone against his ear, he listens to it ring. And ring. And go to voicemail. With a sigh he dials Balthazar. He picks up on the second ring.

“Cassy! I got your seaweed crackers. You want me to bring them over?” he asks.

“God yes. Now. Come now,” Cas urges, already retreating to wait in the kitchen.

“OK, OK I’m on my way.”

Cas makes a cup of tea while he waits. “You know, when you’re finally in the real world I can go back to drinking coffee thank God,” Cas murmurs looking down at the bump. He runs his hand over it through his shirt. The baby gives a soft kick at his touch, bringing a smile to his face. “I can’t wait to meet you. I already love you so much. You know that? I love you, little one.” Cas turns around, intending to sit down in the living room. “Holy fucking shit! What are you trying to do, kill me?!” He exclaims, blushing at being caught talking to the bump, finding Balthazar leaning in the doorway, smirking.

“Nah. I’d never do that. Got your crackers,” he pulls out a long packet. Setting down his mug, Cas grabs for the packet, nearly salivating in anticipation. He rips open the plastic, pulling out a good handful. Balthazar manages to snag one before Cas is devouring them all. “What the fuck? These taste like shit!” Balthazar screws up his face, spitting the chewed up cracker into his hand.

“No. They’re great,” Cas closes his eyes and enjoys the salty, slightly fishy taste while Balthazar washes his hands at the sink.

“You’re going to make a great father,” Balthazar says quietly, sincerely. Castiel looks at him.

“Do you really think so?” Balthazar nods. “We’re just going to have to see, aren’t we,” Cas muses, shoving another cracker into his mouth. Balthazar stares at him, his face pinched as if he were irritated with Castiel’s answer.

“Yeah. Well I gotta go.” Balthazar leaves without letting Cas reply, the door banging shut behind him. Cas slumps down in one of the chairs, cradling the crackers. Did he say something wrong? Cas isn’t given much time to mule over it because his phone vibrates in his pocket.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cas,” Dean voice comes down the line.

“Dean.”

“Hey you called earlier. You OK? I was with Sammy, he had soccer practice,” Dean sounds apologetic about missing his call. It makes Cas’ heart flutter.

“I’m fine. Michael’s not home. He’s going to be away tonight…” Castiel hopes Dean understands what he’s trying to imply.

“You want me to come over?” Dean sounds hopeful.

“Please.”

***

That night Cas gets the best sleep he’s had in weeks. Wrapped up in Dean’s arms like a cocoon, head resting on his chest. Dean’s fingers carding through his hair as he listens to Dean’s heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](http://hopelessly-in-love-with-cas.tumblr.com/)


	9. Dean and Balthazar to the Rescue

_32 Weeks_

Castiel isn’t surprised when Dean begins arriving at his house each morning to drive him to school. He’s quite flattered actually and enjoys seeing Dean each morning. He also doesn’t mind Dean walking with him between classes. When the shoelace of Cas’ tennis shoe became untied Dean immediately dropped to the ground and retied it without having to be asked. At lunch he buys Cas’ daily orange juice and spends the break with him before walking him to his next class. It’s sweet and it makes Cas blush and some of the girls in the younger grades coo.

There’s a week left and Castiel is positively vibrating with excitement. He can’t wait for it to be over. While Balthazar, Dean and Charlie are placing applications at various colleges around the country, Cas is just content to raise his child and work in the small café uptown. Like he said, it’d be impossible to juggle raising his child, working and class. It doesn’t stop him from looking into online universities though. Some are actually quite doable and he can see himself completing the courses. Maybe in the future when his child is a little older he might try. He bookmarks some promising options and files the idea away for the future.

***

At lunch, Dean and Balthazar have to run off to an emergency swim meeting regarding an upcoming carnival leaving Castiel alone for the first time in weeks. He’s drinks his juice in silence, hand idly rubbing his stomach feeling the movements of his baby inside.

He gets up five minutes before the bell as to not cause a hold up at the lockers. He’s got his arms inside the metal box when he hears movement behind him. Turning he sees two of Dean’s baseball teammates. He raises his eyebrows.

“Can I help you?” he asks, closing his locker with a sharp _bang._ He holds his books close to his chest like a shield.

“Oh Castiel, look at you all fat and pregnant,” a dark skinned boy says, his voice deep and coated in malice, he crowds Cas up against the wall of lockers.

“Um…” Cas tries to sidestep the approaching boy but the other, a taller boy with pale eyes and a smile like a snake boxes him in.

“We should beat your slut ass to a pulp,” the dark skinned boy, Uriel, is what Dean called him, if Castiel remembers correctly.

“A piece of trash whore like you shouldn’t be having a kid,” the taller boy hisses. Castiel recognises him as Alastair. Dean does not like him one bit and now Cas can see why.

“Slut!” Uriel barks, shoving Castiel into the lockers, his back connecting sharply, pain crackling down his spine. His books go skittering to the ground. Castiel whimpers, trying in vain to get away. He shuffles sideways but Alastair quickly moves to block his escape.

“Where do you think you’re going, dirty whore?” Alastair growls, grabbing Castiel’s jaw and pulling his face up to meet his eyes. Castiel struggles to turn away, his hands coming up to bat at Alastair’s. His heart is racing with adrenalin, telling him to get the hell out of there! But he can’t, Uriel and Alastair stand side by side, an impenetrable wall of solid muscle.

“Please…” Cas whimpers, curling in on himself. Uriel slams him back against the lockers, keeping him upright. Alastair moves in and Castiel doesn’t even see the fist coming. Pain explodes over the left side of his face when Alastair’s knuckles connect with his cheekbone. He cries out, hands coming up to shield his face. Uriel holds him against the wall while Alastair slaps him, hard across the face. Tears begin falling from Cas’s eyes. He’s terrified that they’ll start directing their malice towards his baby.

“HEY!” A voice calls out followed by pounding footsteps. Alastair and Uriel spin, letting Castiel drop. He slides down to the floor, one arm cradling his belly the other pressed against his throbbing cheek. He sobs, squeezing his eyes shut. “Cas? You fucks hurt him?!” Dean’s voice becomes unmistakably clear. Cas opens his eyes to see Dean and Balthazar sizing up his abusers. Neither Uriel nor Alastair say anything and taking a step forward, Dean punches Alastair. Alastair's head snaps to the side, his hand rising to defend himself. Uriel jumps in, almost tackling Dean and then it’s on. Balthazar wrenches Uriel from Dean punching him repeatedly in the face. Alastair goes for Dean then, seemingly recovered from his hit to the face.

The scene before Castiel becomes a blur, tears stream down his cheeks and sobs wrack his chest. He just wants them to stop. He wants to go home. Be anywhere but here right now. Any minute the bell is going to ring and the hall will fill with students. He has to stop this. Gingerly, he climbs to his feet, leaning heavily against the lockers. His back aches from where Uriel shoved him against the hard metal. “Stop,” he says croakily.

Nothing happens.

The grunts and groans and the sound of fists hitting flesh persist. “Stop!” he says louder. “God! Stop it!” he screams and this time. Dean stops, his fist still gripping Alastair’s hair, his arm mid-swing. Balthazar has Uriel by the collar and looks about ready to bash his head against the lockers. “Please,” Castiel says weakly. Immediately Dean and Balthazar release their holds and Uriel and Alastair slink away, throwing glares over their shoulders. Dean and Balthazar watch their retreat with matching murderous expressions.

“Oh Cassy. Are you alright?” Balthazar rushes forward his fingers hovering near the already bruising skin of his cheek.

“You have to go to the nurse. We’ll take you,” Dean threads his arms around Cas’ shoulders and helps him to the nurses’ office.

“What about you two?” Cas asks, wiping his tear stained cheeks.

“Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine,” Balthazar reassures him. Cas is not convinced. Balthazar has blood staining his collar, a trail of it leading from his right nostril. The bridge of his nose is swelling a little and Cas suspects it broken. His jaw is also slightly red and Cas thinks there’s going to be a bruise there tomorrow. Dean isn’t looking too much better. His lip is split and the skin is split over his left cheekbone a line of blood dribbling down like a tear.

“ _Sure_. No. You’ll stay with me,” Cas says with finality. Dean chuckles but doesn’t argue. Balthazar grumbles on the walk over. When they arrive they already find Uriel and Alastair. They sit in the plastic chairs while the nurse looks them over. They look extremely worse off than both Cas’ rescuers and he feels smug. Serves them right.

***

 That afternoon, Dean spends it with Cas in his room. They lie in bed, Dean with his arms around Castiel, fingers stroking over the bump. “Why do you think they targeted me?” Cas asks quietly, he fingers the bruise forming over his cheek. His eye is going to be black in the morning. He just knows it.

“Um… I don’t know Cas. They’re just dicks,” Dean says and by his tone of voice Cas can tell he’s lying.

“Sure about that answer?” Dean sighs and Castiel smiles a little.

“They kept saying that they were going to hurt you. I told them if they laid a finger on you I’d kick their asses. I guess they didn’t believe me,” Dean shrugs and Cas’ heart swells.

“My hero,” he mumbles, tilting his head to place a kiss against Dean’s cheek. He blushes and Cas laughs. “You are!” he insists.

“OK Cas!” Dean laughs. Castiel snuggles back down against Dean’s chest. "But if I had have been there, you wouldn't have gotten hurt," Dean mutters to himself, blaming himself. Cas sits bolt upright, glaring at Dean. "What?"

"Do not blame yourself Dean Winchester," he commands. Dean looks taken-aback. "It's not your job to protect me, even if you choose to and I let you. OK?" Dean nods, eyes wide. “Glad we got that sorted.” Cas can almost _hear_ Dean’s eye roll as he snuggles back in close.

***

Gabriel comes to visit in time for Castiel’s graduation and to help with the move. His eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees how big Cas has gotten. He studiously ignores Michael and he announces that he and Cas are going baby shopping. Cas doesn’t argue. He’s looking forward to spending time with his brother.

They stop by a few trademark stores, Walmart and the likes before moving onto more expensive stores.

“So Cas…” Gabriel says conversationally. Castiel looks at him expectantly. “How’d you get the shiner?” he points to his own eye.

“You don’t want to know,” Cas answers knowing his brother will absolutely flip if he finds out.

“Tell me,” Gabriel demands. “Tell me! Tell me!” He whines tugging on Castiel’s arm like a toddler. A toddler who'd go after Alastair and Uriel with a baseball bat and beat them to death.

“No.”

“C’mon!” He pleads, giving Cas the puppy dog eyes. Cas sighs, rolling his eyes.

“If I tell you will you promise not to flip?”

“Scouts honour!” Gabriel salutes.

“You were never a scout.” Gabriel waves him off. “Two guys at school were hostile towards me because of the pregnancy,” Cas says softly. Immediately Gabriel stops and clamps his hand around Cas' arm. Cas is faced with five feet and six inches of pure anger.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he hisses, face turning red.

“You promised,” Cas reminds him.

“I’m not a scout.” Cas rolls his eyes again. “Seriously Cas? Are you serious?” Gabriel looks absolutely sincere... and murderous.

“Why would I lie?”

“I’m going to kill them,” he states with certainty.

“Don’t bother. I graduate in two days. Oooo look at this…” he drags Gabriel towards a pair of cute little booties with pink and yellow dog paws on them. He succeeds in distracting his brother.

***

Graduation comes and goes. Gabriel throws a party: the people in Cas’ debate team, Balthazar and Dean show up. It’s a nice little get together and it makes Cas feel good. He relaxes and kicks his feet up. Even if Charlie and Dean get a  _little_ competitive over Gonzo and Cas is forced to play referee.

Now he’s onto business. He takes on a few more shifts at the café, trying to save up more money. Gabriel gave him an envelope. He claims it’s a graduation present. Inside was a cheque. Castiel almost choked when he saw the amount. He insisted that Gabriel take it back. But he refused. He forced Cas to go to the bank the next day and bank it. His bank account is now two thousand dollars richer.

Dean and he start ferrying his things to Gabriel’s house. Gabriel gives him the spare room and tells him to decorate it as he likes. Before the weekend is over there is nothing left at Michael’s house that would even suggest he lived there.

Castiel sweeps out his old room before intending to meet Dean in the Impala. Dean offered to drive Castiel to Gabriel’s house where he plans to stay the night with Cas. He enters the kitchen, putting the broom back into its spot near the fridge. Cas is about to walk out the door when a hand on his arm stops him. Looking up he meets Michael’s eyes. “I just want to say goodbye, Castiel. You are still my brother,” he says softly.

“Good bye,” Castiel extracts his arm from Michael’s grip, nods and walks out. He doesn’t feel even an inkling of regret. Especially not when he sees Dean sitting behind the wheel of the Impala, he smiles brightly when he sees Cas. No. This is a good thing. Living with Gabriel will be right until he can find his own place where he will raise his child and find a higher paying job until the time is right for him to go to college.

***

“Cas?” Dean whispers, turning to Castiel. The lights are out and Dean’s hand warms his back where it rests against the mattress.

“Yes?” he answers quietly, flipping over to face Dean in bed.

“I was thinking…”

“That’s never a good sign,” he jokes and Dean flicks him gently on the nose. “Oh shush. I was thinking that maybe, we _together_ could get a small place. Maybe somewhere near the local college. I was accepted. I could keep working at Bobby’s and go to class and you when you’re up to it after the baby is born and maybe a little older you could go too. We’d be OK. What do you think?” Cas feels himself tearing up. Dean wants to stay. He wants to be a part of the baby’s life. They’ve kind of been together for a while. They haven’t confirmed anything but it’s pretty clear to anyone with a set of eyes that they’re together. Maybe this could work.

“Yeah. We could do that,” Cas replies, leaning forward to kiss Dean’s cheek. “We could do that.” He lets Dean wrap him up in his arms and he settles with his head on Dean’s shoulder. _This could work,_ Cas thinks staring at the empty bassinette in the corner of the room.

***

Cas drags Dean along to his final childbirth class and Bela eyes him off like a piece of candy. Once Dean’s back is turned she whispers against Cas’ ear, “ _Dayum_. He’s fine. This is Dean?” Cas nods in confirmation. “Damn,” she looks Dean up and down.

Castiel chuckles watching Dean interact with the bitchy lady who disapproves of Cas. He’s visibly tense, his shoulders stiff and his movements strained. He turns away, hurrying back to Cas’ side.

“Jeez, she’s a bitch,” he hums, rubbing a hand down Cas’ back. Cas nods, trying not to make a face that portrays just what he thinks of the woman. He turns to Pamela.

They go on to learn about ways to deal with pain. Pamela teaches the class different positions they ought to try during birth and that it’s a matter of personal preference, which they find more comfortable.

Dean listens, rapt; he looks more into the class than what Castiel is. Cas feels that if he gives Dean a pen and paper he’d start taking notes. “Are you finding this interesting?” Cas whispers into his ear while Pamela addresses the fathers. Giving them tips about what they can do to comfort their partners giving birth. Dean nods, not taking his eyes from the presentation. Cas rests his head on Dean’s shoulder, his heart squeezing with affection.


	10. Hello Baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand the moment we've all been waiting for!!
> 
> Um... there's pain so... and it's kinda graphic (not really but whatever)

_39 Weeks_

Castiel wakes with a start. He glares blearily at the clock on his nightstand it reads 2:17. _What the fuck?_ He lies back down, getting comfortable. He closes his eyes, drifting off. Then it happens: an intense squeezing pain in his lower abdomen. It lasts around thirty seconds leaving Cas gasping and holding a hand to his stomach. “Oh God,” Cas croaks. He knows what’s happening. Labor.

He tries to control his racing heart. He needs to calm down. Both Jody and Pamela have told him that this is the early labor. This is where his cervix is beginning to dilate and efface. He’s trembling all over. He knows Gabriel is asleep in the room next to his all he has to do is yell and he’ll come running. He closes his eyes, taking some deep breaths. He doesn’t have to worry just yet. He’s got time. His eyes spring open. _Dean. Gotta call Dean._ He’s fumbling for his phone when the next contraction hits. He gasps, ceasing all movement to wait it out. Once its over he quickly dials Dean’s number. It takes a while for Dean to pick up and Cas feels guilty for waking him.

“Cas? It’s two thirty,” Dean sounds slightly disgruntled.

“ _Dean_. Dean, I’m in la—,”he groans, his words trailing off.

“What? You’re what?” Dean sounds confused.

“Labor! Labor, Dean,” Cas hisses out between clenched teeth.

“Oh shit!” There’s scrambling and the jangle of car keys. “I’m coming. Hold on, baby. I’m coming.” Cas curls up in a ball listening to Dean’s panicked breathing down the line. He’s so caught up listening to Dean’s breathing the next contraction takes him by surprise and he yelps. “Cas! Hey listen to me. Cas it’s going to be OK. I’m going to be there with you and it’s going to be fine. Yeah? You with me?” Dean talks fast, all the words blurting out together.

“Yes. OK. I have to get Gabriel. I gotta wake him,” Cas whispers, getting up from bed and taking a step towards the door.

“OK you do that. Cas I gotta hang up now. I’m driving. You’ll be OK until I get there?”

“Yes. Ye—ah!” he cries out, crouching down, a hand scrabbling to grab at something, _anything_  to keep him upright.

“Oh Cas, baby. Hey I love you OK.” Dean hangs up and Cas crawls towards the door, dropping his phone. He stands on wobbly legs and using the wall for support, he waits for a minute—just catching his breath—before making his way to Gabriel’s room. He opens the door and shuffles inside. He continues to Gabriel’s bed where he lies sprawled in just a pair of boxer shorts.

“Gabriel, Gabriel wake up,” he nudges his brother’s shoulder. Gabriel rolls away from him, muttering in his sleep. “Gabe, _please_ ,” he punches Gabriel’s arm and he snorts awake, eyes wide.

“Shit. I’m up. What? Jesus it’s dark,” he glares at Cas. “Cas?”

“I’m in labor,” Cas wheezes a contraction squeezing him painfully.

“Fuck!” Gabriel exclaims jumping up from bed. “What do you need? Tell me! I’ll grab it,” Gabriel wraps an arm around Cas’ shoulders.

“Living room. Help me to the living room. Dean’s on his way.” They slowly head towards the living room where Gabriel sets Cas down on the couch. He stands back looking down at his baby brother.

“Holy shit I can’t believe this is happening,” Gabriel mutters to himself. He flips the light switch before taking a seat in a recliner, watching Castiel.

“What?” Cas asks, narrowing his eyes at his anxious brother.

“Don’t you have to count the contractions or something?”

“Not until they start coming more painfully and in quicker succession,” Cas murmurs, curling up on his side, he squeezes a pillow for comfort. Gabriel nods, not taking his eyes from Castiel.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” he asks again. Cas shakes his head. “OK.”

The doorbell rings when Cas is in the midst of a contraction. He’s clenching his eyes shut and Gabriel practically sprints to the door. “Get your ass in here,” he tells Dean racing back to Cas’ side. Dean follows slamming the door shut behind him.

“Cas. Hey, how are you doing?” He squats down next to Cas, a hand smoothing down his back.

“It’s going to get worse. This has only been going on for half an hour. It’s going to hurt, Dean. I’m scared,” Cas’ lip trembles. Dean gathers him into a hug.

“It’s OK. I’ll call Jody,” Dean presses a kiss to Cas’ forehead, pulling out his phone. He dials the number, sitting down next to Cas, moving Cas so his head rests in Dean’s lap. “Jody! Yeah, it’s Dean. Yes. Yeah. About half an hour ago he said,” Dean brushes Cas’ hair back from his forehead as he talks. Castiel doesn’t know if Dean’s doing it to calm him or himself. “OK. I’ll give you a call. OK see you there.” He hangs up and Gabriel looks visibly agitated.

“Gabriel calm down!” Cas snaps watching his brother’s leg tap and tap and tap in an unsteady rhythm.

“Sorry! I’m freaking out! It’s not every damn day your brother goes into labor!” he hisses back, running his hands through his sleep tangled hair. Cas rolls his eyes and Dean chuckles.

“ _Fuck_!” Cas grits, clenching his fists in the pillow as a contraction hits him. Dean hums in his throat, his hand not ceasing its patting in Castiel’s hair.

“Jody said I should start counting how long it is between contractions and when it gets down to at least a contraction every five minutes for an hour. That’s when we go to the hospital.” Cas nods, relaxing when the pain subsides. They’re silent. The wait for the next contraction is torturous. Dean has his eyes glued to his watch. Cas thinks it’s too damn soon when the stupid thing hits. He gasps, tensing. “Eleven minutes,” Dean murmurs. Cas lets his breath out in a huff.

“How’re you feeling, Cas?” Gabriel asks, wringing his hands together. Cas glares at his brother.

“Shut up,” he growls. Gabriel holds his hands up in surrender. He doesn’t mean to snap at Gabe. He knows his brother is worried about him. But for gods sake. He is being systematically wracked with pain that’s only going to get worse. He can’t help being irritated. Pain does that to him. “Sorry,” he mutters feeling guilty.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas.” Gabe grabs the TV remote, flicking it on. He gets absorbed in channel surfing.

“You OK?” Dean asks softly.

“No,” Cas complains, letting a finger play over a tear in the jeans Dean’s wearing.

“Sore?”

“Yes. It’s like I can feel when it’s com—,” he gasps, a contraction conveniently proving his statement. Dean counts the time between them, studiously.

“That one was nine minutes,” he whispers as not to alert Gabriel to the shortening between contractions.

“OK.”

***

Time seems to crawl by. Cas dozes between contractions and Dean and Gabriel watch some crappy film about two twins in New York. Dean almost jumps up when the time dwindles down to a contraction every five minutes.

“We gotta go, Cas,” he says lifting Cas gently from his lap. Cas groans.

“Really?” he murmurs, sitting up.

“Yeah, Cas. Gabe, can you help get Cas to the car. I’ve gotta call Jody back.” Gabriel is up out of his chair like a shot. He and Cas waddle towards the door while Dean calls Jody.

“Here you go, Cassy.” Gabriel opens the passenger side door and helps him side onto the leather seat of the Impala. The familiar smell comforts him and he closes his eyes, breathing in the scent.

“Thank you, Gabriel. Can you go inside and grab the bag I prepared? It’s got some spare clothes in it and stuff,” Cas asks softly. Gabriel scampers away dutifully, snapping out a quick salute.

Dean returns while Gabriel is grabbing the bag. He gets in the driver’s seat. Turning the key in the ignition he lets a hand find Cas’ over the glove compartment. “Gabriel is going to stay here and I’ll call him when there’s some more action. The poor guy is so wound up. He should get some sleep,” Dean tells Cas, pulling out of the driveway. It’s still dark and there is no one else on the road bar them. It’s quiet and tense in the car.

Cas whimpers when another contraction hits, this one is stronger and lasts a little longer. His fingers squeeze Dean’s tightly and Dean makes a soothing noise, keeping his eyes on the road and speed just a little over the limit.

A wave of wetness emerges from between Castiel’s legs and he looks down to find the pyjama bottoms soaked with anatomic fluid. This is when the first tear falls. It slides down his cheek to rest in the crease at the corner of his mouth. Dean’s eyes flick over they go wide when they notice the mess. “I’m so sorry, Dean,” Cas whispers, mortified. The leather of the seat must be ruined. He feels terrible.

“Hey, do not apologise. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it, baby. I’m more worried about you right now. Screw the car!” Castiel smiles a watery smile at Dean. Right now he’s so grateful for Dean, more grateful than Dean could ever imagine.

***

Jody meets them at the hospital and she looks bright and happy considering the early hour. “Boys. Castiel how’re you doing?”

“Fine,” Cas murmurs, holding onto Dean’s hand for dear life.

“It’s going to be a long morning, boys,” Jody claps Dean on the back. “Here, Cas take a seat,” Jody wheels over a wheelchair and Castiel sinks down. “Dean go get washed up and change,” She slaps a plastic gown to his chest. “Meet us in room 120.” Dean nods and leaning down he presses his lips to Cas’.

“You’re doing great. I love you,” he whispers against Cas’ lips before hurrying away. Jody smiles softly, watching Dean retreat.

“He’s a good one, Castiel. Now. Your water’s broken?” Cas nods, letting out a whimper when another contraction hits. “OK. Lets get you settled in the room. I’ll help you change.” She begins wheeling him towards the maternity/paternity ward. “Pam’s shown you different ways you can deal with the pain. But if you need it, we’ll give you an epidural,” Jody chatters on, but Cas isn’t really listening. He’s kind of in shock. The baby is coming. Like right now! And Dean said he loves him. Twice. Another tear slips down his cheek.

Once they reach the room, Jody helps him up and out of his clothes. She slips on a plastic gown and practically lifts him bodily onto the bed. “Spread your legs, let me see,” Castiel plants his feet on the bed and Jody situates herself between his legs. She prods around and Castiel shifts awkwardly. “You’re progressing normally. You’re about to move into transition. As you teenagers say ‘shit is about to go down’.”

“Oh great,” Cas sighs, sinking into the pillows behind his head. “Where’s Dean?” he complains, looking at the door, willing it to open.

“Changing. Just relax, Castiel.” Jody watches him impassively. The next contraction hits him hard and Cas cries out in pain. It feels like there’s an anvil pressing down on his abdomen while someone simultaneously squeezes all his insides. “It’s OK, Castiel. You’re doing great. Soon you’re going to get the urge to bear down and push.”

“Oh God!” Cas cries out in horror when the pain subsides.

“I know. And trust me, this is only the beginning.” He is not comforted by the harsh truth to Jody’s words. Someone enters the room and Cas perks up expecting it to be Dean. It isn’t. It’s some lady he’s never seen before in his life. “This is Eve, she’s a midwife.”

“OK. Yeah. Where the hell is Dean?” He slaps a hand down on the bed in irritation. Jody and Eve snicker to themselves. He doesn't want to know how many people that they've dealt with that're angry and in labor.

***

Several contractions later Dean arrives. He’s wearing the blue plastic garment over his clothes. “About time!” Castiel almost screams at him.

“I’m sorry Cas. My mom called. She wanted to know everything that’s happening and she wouldn’t let me go.” Dean goes to Castiel’s side and Cas grabs his hand, squeezing.

“Well you’re here now,” he says quietly. Dean nods, leaning down to kiss Cas’ cheek.

“Oh fuck!” Cas yells, squeezing Dean’s hand so tightly he feels one of Dean’s knuckles pop. He grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Now’s about the time where you’re going to have to start pushing,” Jody informs him and Cas nods.

The contractions are coming every two minutes and hurt like hell. Cas has been in labor for over four hours and more than once has he snapped at Dean. Really it’s a miracle that Dean’s still standing by Cas’ side at all. Cas is getting nasty.

Jody keeps telling him that he’s doing great but all Cas can focus on is the agony blazing through him every second damn minute.

“Cas I should call Gabriel. He’ll want to be here when the baby’s born,” Dean says, moving away from Cas’ side. Discreetly flexing the hand Cas' been squeezing the life out of. He steps out, leaving Cas alone with Jody and Eve.

“Are we at least a little bit close?” he whimpers. Jody’s silent.

“We’re probably half way,” Jody informs him.

“Fuck,” Cas mutters closing his eyes.

“How about we try another position,” Jody tells him. It’s not a question.

***

Dean returns and informs him that Gabriel is on his way. Cas nods, keeping his eyes shut. He’s on his hands and knees. This position is marginally better and takes the pressure off his back that has been aching like fuck. Dean doesn’t comment about the change in position. He just takes his spot by Cas’ side and rubs his hand down Cas’ back. He's picked up a wash cloth from somewhere, it's damp and feels good as Dean brushes it over his fevered brow. Ever the picture of a supportive partner.

Another contraction sees Cas crying. Tears roll down his cheeks. “It hurts so much,” he sobs and Dean wipes the tears away, looking grave.

“You’re doing so well, baby,” he tells Cas.

On the next contraction Jody gives a whoop of joy, “We’ve got first glimpse! Come see, Dean,” Jody beckons him over and Dean heads down, looking at the stretched opening. Jody’s right, the top of the baby’s head is visible, rosy and covered in slickness. He feels tears of joy well in his eyes.

“Oh my God!” he exclaims. “Keep going, Cas. You’re doing it!” He skips back up to Cas and rubs his back.

From there on out, things move significantly faster. Dean watches as the baby slowly emerges. He coos and praises Castiel while Jody and Eve fuss about. The shoulders pop out one at a time. Then the little body and just like that. Their baby is born. Dean laughs and claps his hands, helping Castiel to turn over. Settling back down, Cas wipes his sweaty brow relieved that it’s all over.

Jody pulls apart the gown and places the hastily wiped down baby to Cas’ chest. Looking down at the tiny child Castiel feels his heart swelling with joy. It’s finally here. His baby is here! “It’s a boy,” Jody informs them. Cas and Dean stare at their little boy in awe.

“Hell Cas, look at that,” Dean murmurs, pressing a kiss to Cas’ sweaty forehead.

“I love him,” Cas says, cuddling the little fella to his chest.

“So do I.”

***

Gabriel and the Winchesters (minus John) coo at the baby several hours later. Little Logan Novak weighing in at six pounds four ounces and born at ten twenty two am on 30th July to two loving fathers is a hit with all his extended family. Mary tears up when Cas passes over her grandson. She cradles him close to her chest.

“He’s beautiful Castiel,” she says handing back the tiny baby. Cas holds his child in his arms. There’s a fine sheen of dark hair on his little head and while he hasn’t opened his eyes yet, Castiel hopes they’re green.

“Oh man. I’m an Uncle,” Sam says, leaning over the hospital bed to eyeball the baby.

“Oh man you _are_ ,” Dean mocks from where he sits on the bed, ruffling Sam’s hair.

“Jerk!” Sam cries, batting his brother’s hand away. Cas chuckles at the brother’s banter.

As soon as Gabriel arrived he dropped the bag Cas asked him to bring. He dug around in it, pulling out the little bee hat Balthazar bought for him. That hat now sits atop Logan’s head while he sleeps in Cas’ arms. After a big drink from the hospital provided baby formula he’s been content to be the centre of attention while his family fuss over him.

A knock at the door interrupts the chatter. Balthazar pokes his head in, smiling when he meets Castiel’s eyes. “Come in,” Dean opens the door wide, with an equally as wide smile. Over the past weeks their hostility towards one another has evaporated and now, Balthazar is welcomed into Castiel’s little family with open arms.

He walks over to Cas’ side, looking down at the baby. “Look at that, Cassy,” he shakes his head good-naturedly.

“His name’s Logan,” Castiel tells him proudly, grinning up at his friend.

“Logan. Cute name.”

Soon Jody shoos all the family out so Cas and Logan can get some well-earned rest. After nine long months Castiel finally has a gorgeous baby boy that he loves with all his heart. Plus the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. He couldn’t be happier.


	11. Epilogue

Not everything has been sunshine and rainbows.

Dean and Cas took out a loan to put a deposit on a small house a short drive from both the college and garage Dean works at. For a while, they were living in the red. Cas stayed home for a year, living off his very minimal savings while Dean worked his butt off at the garage whilst attending college. Slowly they were able to pay back their loan and earn enough not to be _just_ scraping by each month.

As Castiel hoped, Logan opened his eyes to reveal green irises bright enough to rival his father’s. At age three, he’s full of life. Both his father’s love him and their tiny home is always filled with love and laughter.

Castiel takes online classes and he’s working towards becoming an editor. He’s also drinking at least three cups of coffee a day. He claims it’s to make up for the nine months of abstinence. Dean and he are happy, healthy and mostly financially stable. He couldn’t ask for anything more.

***

“Ready or not! Here I come!” Dean calls, pretending not to hear the giggles coming from behind the couch. He overly exaggerates walking on his tiptoes as he passes the couch. Putting his hand to his forehead searching for his little boy. “Oh no! I can’t find him. His hiding spot is just too good!” he says, mocking sadness. Cas chuckles, looking up from his laptop screen. “Cas you have to help me! I can’t find Lo!” Dean grins.

Crawling out from behind the couch Logan holds his arms in the air, grinning from ear to ear. “I found him!” Dean swoops down, raising his son in an arc, blowing a raspberry on his cheek. Logan squeals and giggles batting at Dean’s face. Cas watches them interact a fond smile on his face.

* * *

_One Year Later_

For some reason Logan’s been in a pissy mood. He snapped at Dean during dinner when he tried to help with his spaghetti and now he refuses to go to sleep. For a four year old he’s acting more like a rebellious teenager. “One more story then bedtime. You hear me, Lo?” Cas uses what Dean calls his ‘dad’ voice. Logan nods, eyes serious. He settles down under the covers of his racecar bed. “OK.” Cas pulls another book from the tall bookcase by the end of Logan’s bed. He takes his spot in the big comfy chair and begins to read.

By the time Cas closes the cover of his third bedtime story Logan's tiredness wins out and he falls asleep, lying on his tummy, one hand tucked under his head and his legs splayed wide. Cas smirks to himself. The way Logan is sleeping is eerily familiar to the way Dean does. Getting up from his place he gently presses a kiss to Logan's forehead, tucking the blankets in. Standing back, Cas watches Logan, eyes softening. Freckles smatter his pale cheeks and his ears point slightly, just like Dean's. Cas feels his heart swelling with love and affection. Unable to help himself he pads back over to the bed he carefully brushes the dark hair from Lo's eyes before sternly telling himself to  _get out of his room_!

***

“He asleep?” Dean whispers when Cas _finally_ trudges from Logan’s room.

“Yes. After three stories and a hug that lasted for about five minutes,” Cas huffs smiling before dropping tiredly onto the couch and into Dean’s arms. Rubbing his eyes, he relaxes into Dean’s embrace. “What’re we watching?” he murmurs.

“Criminal Minds,” Dean answers, pulling Cas closer. Cas hums, eyes fixed on the TV. He feels himself nodding off within the first ten minutes.

He wakes to Dean pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I missed it,” he says sadly, noting that Criminal Minds is not on any longer.

“I recorded it,” Dean reassures him. Cas nods, resting his head on Dean’s chest. “Hey Cas?”

“Mmm yeah?” he hums, not opening his eyes.

“Marry me?” Cas’ eyes open in an instant. All thoughts of sleep vanish.

“What?” he asks, hoping he wasn’t just dreaming and Dean really just asked what he thinks he asked.

“I said; marry me?” Dean repeats, slipping from the couch. He crouches down on one knee.

“Oh God,” he mutters, eyes filling with tears. He slaps a hand over his mouth when Dean pulls out a little ring box from the pocket of his sweats.

“Castiel Novak will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?” Dean asks, his voice husky with emotion. Cas is speechless. He’s sure he must look like a maniac, crying and nodding his head vigorously. “Yes?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Cas slides from the couch, throwing himself into Dean’s arms. Dean catches him and they lie on the carpeted ground Cas attacking Dean’s lips with kisses. “I love you so much!”

“Here,” Dean grabs Cas’ left hand and opening the little box he slips out the gold and titanium band. He slips it onto Cas’ finger. “There.” They stare at the ring fit snugly around Cas’ ring finger for a moment.

“It’s beautiful,” Cas, whispers, grabbing Dean’s face and kissing him again.

“I’m glad you like it,” Dean says breathlessly.

“Like it? I love it. It’s the best thing anyone as ever given to me,” Cas snuggles into Dean’s chest; arm outstretched admiring his now most precious possession.

* * *

_Two Years Later_

Cas is rudely woken by the bed jostling wildly under him, “What the…?” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes.

“Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” Logan jumps up and down on the springy mattress. Dean doesn’t even flinch so Cas slaps at his chest to get him to wake. With a snort and a glare in Cas’ direction he wakes.

“The fuck?” he hisses, rubbing his chest where Cas hit him.

“You know what day it is?” Lo crawls up the bed, situating himself between his dads.

“No,” Cas says nonchalantly. Logan turns to Dean, hoping Dean knows what day it is. It’s a _very_ important day. Dean shrugs, playing along.

Lo deflates, “Oh,” he murmurs voice wobbly. Dean throws Cas a slightly panicked look. _Shit,_ he mouths. Cas grabs his little boy, hugging him tightly.

“We’re just kidding. Today’s your birthday!” he laughs, blowing a raspberry on Lo’s cheek, reducing him to a wriggling giggling mess.

“Presents?” he asks, once Cas releases him. Dean hops out of bed, heading over to the walk in ‘robe. He pulls down a brightly wrapped box, handing it to Lo. He squeals in delight.

Cas watches Dean’s face as Logan unwraps the present. His mouth is stretched into a grin, eyes crinkling a little at the corners. He looks happy—ecstatic even and that makes Castiel feel happy too.

Lo finally gets the box open. He frowns when he pulls out a helmet. “You’re other present is outside,” Dean stage whispers and in an instant Lo is racing out the door in his bumblebee pyjamas. “Coming?” Dean holds out his hand. Cas takes it and they head out onto the terrace where Lo is standing, awestruck. “You like it?” Dean asks, standing behind Cas and wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Yeah!” Logan answers, pulling off the big bow Cas spent _ages_ tying. He sits on the bike, helmet firmly in place, and before their eyes, slowly peddles away, held up by the training wheels.

“See I told you he would like it,” Dean tells Cas, planting a kiss behind his ear, nuzzling his face into Cas’ neck.

***

“Have you got the cake?” Cas almost shouts the question down the phone line. Silence answers him. “Dean?!” He’s been stressed for days. Everything has to be _perfect_ because not only is this going to be the first time in _years_ that both Dean’s family and Castiel’s family are going to be in the same location. But they’ve decided that now’s a good time to inform the family of some… other news.

“Calm down!” Dean barks.

“I can’t! You’re parents are going to be here in fifteen minutes!” Cas paces back and forth behind the island bench in the kitchen.

“I know! I’ve got the—you asshole!” Dean swears, following with the Impala’s horn blaring. “Sorry about that. Some ass just cut me off and the cake nearly slid off the seat.” Castiel inhales sharply. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that, huh?”

“No,” Cas squeaks, a hand swiping through his hair.

“Sorry… don’t worry, babe, everything is going to be fine,” Dean tries to reassure him. “Now I gotta go before some cop pulls me up for talking on the phone and driving.” Dean hangs up and Cas is left listening to the dead line. He huffs a sigh. _Dean’s right. I have to calm down._ With a nod, Cas walks around the house. Cleaning up the toys Logan was playing with a few hours ago before he grew bored and parked himself in front of the TV.

He tries not to fidget as he waits for the guests to arrive. There is enough food cooking to feed an army and he knows for a fact that Mary is bringing desert so really he doesn’t have to worry about them going hungry. Their house is clean. Spotless actually. Cas almost had a coronary and went on a cleaning frenzy for no particular reason. So he doesn’t have to worry about that either.

Maybe he’s so nervous because _Michael_ is coming. They’ve spoken a bit since Logan was born. A few phone calls here and there. Nothing much. Cas sends him photos of Logan every now and then and Michael actually seems fond of his nephew.

John Winchester has also come around to the idea of a grandson. The few times he and Mary have visited he interacted with Logan as if he were the greatest development of the twenty-first century.

The doorbell jars him out of his musings and Castiel hurries to let in his first guests. He swings open the door to find Gabriel and Anna. He smiles brightly. “Cassy!” Gabriel greets, pulling his brother into a hug.

“It’s good to see you, Gabriel. You too Anna,” Cas turns to his sister, pulling her into a hug.

He shows them inside and they immediately race into the living room, presents in hand. “Logan!” Anna exclaims, holding out her present to her little nephew. He smiles brightly, hopping up from the floor.

“Aunt Anna!” he shouts back, jumping up and down. He snatches the present from her hands and gets to work stripping away the wrapping paper. Castiel stands back and watches his siblings interact with his son. Gabriel sprawls out on the ground, waiting impatiently for Logan to get to his present. Anna sits down on the couch, a big smile on her face as she waits for the verdict. Logan gasps loudly pulling out a box. “LEGO!” he grins madly, shaking the box and listening to all the pieces jangle together.

“What do you say?” Cas reminds him, walking into the living room.

“Thank you!” he turns to Anna, jumping up and wrapping his arms around her neck, giving her a big hug.

“You’re welcome, Lo,” Anna ruffles his dark hair affectionately.

“My turn!” Gabriel shoves his present under Logan’s nose and the process is repeated.

Cas watches as Gabriel and Logan play around with the RC car Gabriel bought. He sits next to his sister. “You expect me to be able to put that thing together?” he asks her quietly, picking up the box and inspecting the brightly coloured packaging.

“You or Dean. Dean’s a mechanic. That’s a model spaceship. It’s just like putting together a car,” Anna shrugs. Cas places the box down. Dean will definitely be the one putting together that thing. It looks complicated as hell.

A few minutes later Dean arrives with the cake and Cas excuses himself. He jogs into the kitchen where Dean is trying in vain to find a spot in the fridge for the cake. “Let me. Let me,” Cas shoos him away and Dean hands him the cake gratefully.

“Who’s here?” Dean pokes his head around the corner.

“Anna and Gabriel,” Cas answers, most of his upper body still hidden inside the fridge. He wedges the cake box onto a shelf and closes the fridge door listening for anything falling. It’s blessedly quiet. He turns and Dean is right there. “Mmm?” Cas hums and Dean just smirks, running his hands up Cas’ sides under his shirt.

“While they’re distracted…” Dean trails off nibbling on Cas’ earlobe pulling out a shuddering sigh, his eyes flickering shut. He gets lost in the sensation of Dean’s lips on his skin as he trails kisses down his neck.

Neither hears the footsteps behind them. “Oh my God my eyes!” Gabriel yells, dramatically covering his eyes. Cas rolls his eyes, peering over Dean’s shoulder at his brother.

“Shut up, Gabriel,” Cas mutters, gently pushing Dean away.

“I’ve been scandalised!” Gabriel goes on. This time Dean is the one to roll his eyes. Thankfully they don’t have to hear more of Gabriel’s antics because the doorbell rings.

***

Bela smiles, her arms filled with a tart, presents and her purse. A little girl, dressed in a bright yellow dress, with her mother’s hair and dark eyes peaks out from behind her mom’s leg. “Hey Cas,” Bela greets, leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek.

“Let me help you,” Cas takes the tart and leads his guests into the kitchen. “I’m so glad you made it,” Cas says, squeezing the baked good into their fridge.

“I needed to see little Logan. I’ve heard so much about him. This is Catriona.” Bela holds her hand out, the little girl taking it and smiling shyly up at Cas. “Say hi.”

“Hi,” Catriona whispers.

“Hello, do you want to bring Logan’s present into the living room for me? He’ll be really happy to meet you,” Cas crouches down to the little girl’s level. She nods enthusiastically, looking expectantly up at her mom. Bela hands her the brightly wrapped gift and Catriona races off to give it to Logan. Standing up straight, Cas pulls his friend into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

Dean stands back, watching Bela and Cas interact. “How are you Dean?” Bela asks, walking over to him and pulling him into a hug.

“Yeah… pretty good,” he replies. “Got steady work so that’s good.”

Cas leaves the two of them to converse, hearing the doorbell ring again. He heads back down the hall and opening the door smiles at an old friend. “Balthazar,” he says. He stands on the doorstep, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

“Got room for one more?”

***

Once everyone has arrived. They sit down to lunch. John, Mary and Michael discuss the politics. Sam and Anna talk about college and what classes they’re taking. Balthazar and Bela flirt outrageously across the table. Gabriel plays with Lo and Catriona and _almost_ starts a food fight. Dean and Cas eat in silence, their hands clasped together under the table. It’s nice, the family altogether to celebrate Logan’s birthday. All the animosity put aside now that there’s a little boy around who everyone loves and adores.

“You going to tell them now?” Dean whispers in Cas’ ear once everyone has mostly finished eating. Cas nods swallowing hard. “Hey everyone? Cas has something to say,” Dean hushes everyone.

All eyes turn to Cas and he feels a flush heat his cheeks. “I’m pregnant,” he announces. Anna and Mary get watery eyed and Gabriel lets out a loud wolf whistle. Sam looks uncomfortable but happy for them just the same.

“I’m going to have another grandbaby running around,” Mary gets up from her place, rounding the table to hug and kiss Cas, who rises to meet her. She sniffles a little, pulling a tissue from her purse to dab her eyes. “I’m so happy, Cas,” she tells him, patting his cheek.

“Good on you,” Gabriel nods to Dean and Dean rolls his eyes. “Seriously!” Gabriel’s eyes widen a mischievous smirk on his face. Bela snorts at Gabriel’s antics and Balthazar just rolls his eyes.

“You’re so dirty minded, Gabe,” Dean chastises.

Michael stands next and he reacts considerably better than he did when Cas announced his first pregnancy. He hugs Cas. Then Dean. “Congratulations,” he says softly and Cas gets a little teary eyed. Finally his brother accepts him as he is. No more anger sits between them.

“Thank you,” he sniffs.

“A toast!” Sam shouts, raising his glass and they all return to their seats. “To Cas, Dean and they’re pretty damn awesome family.”

“Cheers!”

“Can we have cake now?” Lo whines.

 

 

 Fin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da! This is the end. Thank you all so much for reading and your lovely comments and of course the kudos. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. (I especially enjoyed writing the kinda timestamp thingies. I've grown attached to Logan. If you've also grown attached to Logan let me know and I might be tempted to write some more)

**Author's Note:**

> I made an art thingy for the fic. It's over on my [tumblr](http://hopelessly-in-love-with-cas.tumblr.com/post/128019858885/dean-winchester-is-an-eighteen-year-old-high) if you wanted to check it out. 
> 
> Also: the theme song for this entire fic (and the song in which the verse before the first chapter is from) is [Happy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCB_MbYyCYQ) by Marina and the Diamonds
> 
> Comments and Kudos make my day :D  
> 


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